Some clips of Flight of the Conchords. "Business Time" and "Jenny" are partcularly great. Two very talented and funny Kiwis!

Flight of the Conchords

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Friday, January 12, 2007

British Institutes, Italy

"One black one, one white one and one with a bit of XXXXX on" so goes the infamous rugby version of the song "Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter" (the Inspector will not be dragged down to the gutter, hence the XXXXX, which for the intellectually challenged rhymes with "white"). This neatly describes The British Institute chain of schools in Italy or British Institutes as they like to call themselves, no doubt to avoid getting into hot water with The official British Institute of Florence (whose patron HRH The Prince of Wales would not be too happy). There are black ones and white ones but some unfortunately have a bit of XXXXX on............................... and some would even give Benito Mussolini a good run for his lira or should I say euros (not that he'd be likely to see many as a teacher).

The Inspector will add to this posting, rest assured after a refreshing glass of Yak's milk, but in the interim, they really should put a government warning on this school's website that the British Institutes can be dangerous for your health. They are all independent and simply pay to use the name which means that what you see and what you thought you were getting ........ as the George Gershwin song goes "It ain't necessarily so"......... .

Here they all are. Do you notice the one that's missing? Yup.... there's no "British Institutes" in Florence, apart from the official one that is. Now I wonder why that's the case. Could it be that even they haven't the cheek or maybe are too scared of legal action? Surely not......................

British Institute of Acerra, Via Roma, 25 Acerra / British Institutes
British Institute of Acqui Terme, P.za San Francesco, 7 Acqui Terme / British Institutes
British Institute of Afragola, Via S.Maria, 3 Afragola / British Institutes
British Institute of Alessandria, Via Spalto Borgoglio, 59 Alessandria / British Institutes
British Institute of Andria, Via Udine, 16 Andria / British Institutes
British Institute of Aosta, Via Promis, 8 Aosta / British Institutes
British Institute of Arezzo, Viale Michelangelo, 26 Arezzo / British Institutes
British Institute of Arona, Via XX Settembre, 29 Arona / British Institutes
British Institute of Avellino, Corso Vittorio Emanuele, 87 Avellino / British Institutes
British Institute of Aversa, Via Roma, 204 Aversa / British Institutes
British Institute of Avezzano, Via XX Settembre, 179 Avezzano / British Institutes
British Institute of Avigliana, Corso Laghi 7 Avigliana / British Institutes
British Institute of Bari, Via Crisanzio, 6 Bari / British Institutes
British Institute of Bergamo, Via Ghislandi, 57 Bergamo / British Institutes
British Institute of Biella, Via Cerino Zegna 14 Biella / British Institutes
British Institute of Bologna, Via Nazario Sauro, 1/2 Bologna / British Institutes
British Institute of Bolzano, Via Isarco, 11 Bolzano / British Institutes
British Institute of Borgo San Lorenzo, Via Sacco e Vanzetti, 14A Borgo San Lorenzo / British Institutes
British Institute of Borgomanero, C.so Garibaldi, 106 Borgomanero / British Institutes
British Institute of Brescia, Via Cantore, 46 Brescia / British Institutes
British Institute of Brindisi, Via De Terribile, n.9 Brindisi / British Institutes
British Institute of Busto Arsizio, V.le D. D'Aosta, 19 Busto Arsizio / British Institutes
British Institute of Cagliari, Via Dante, 89 Cagliari / British Institutes
British Institute of Caivano, Via Settembrini, 95 Caivano / British Institutes
British Institute of Cantu, Via Gallianello, 6 Cantu / British Institutes
British Institute of Casale Monferrato, Via Canina, 13 Casale Monferrato / British Institutes
British Institute of Casalecchio di Reno, Via Testoni, 19/A Casalecchio di Reno / British Institutes
British Institute of Castellammare di Stabia, Via Virgilio 110 Castellammare di Stabia / British Institutes
British Institute of Cento, Via IV Novembre, 11 Cento / British Institutes
British Institute of Cercola, V.le Gandi , 5 Cercola / British Institutes
British Institute of Cernusco sul Naviglio, Via Pontida, 11 Cernusco sul Naviglio / British Institutes
British Institute of Cesena, Via Uberti, 24 Cesena / British Institutes
British Institute of Chieti, Via Arenazze, 4 Chieti / British Institutes
British Institute of Cinisello Balsamo, Viale Fulvio Testi, 11 Cinisello Balsamo / British Institutes
British Institute of Cirie', Via V. Emanuele, 175 Cirie' / British Institutes
British Institute of Como, Via Carloni, 8 Como / British Institutes
British Institute of Cosenza, Via Alimena,118 Cosenza / British Institutes
British Institute of Crema, Via Borletto, 9 Crema / British Institutes
British Institute of Cremona, Via D. Ruffini, 22 Cremona / British Institutes
British Institute of Crotone, C.so Mazzini 107 Crotone / British Institutes
British Institute of Faenza, C.so Garibaldi, 4 Faenza / British Institutes
British Institute of Ferrara, Via Lucchesi, 4 Ferrara / British Institutes
British Institute of Fidenza, Via De Amicis, 2 Fidenza / British Institutes
British Institute of Figline Val D'Arno, P.zza Marsilio Ficino, 65 Figline Val D'Arno / British Institutes
British Institute of Foggia, Via P. Tarantino, 1 Foggia / British Institutes
British Institute of Foligno, Via del Roccolo 5/A Foligno / British Institutes
British Institute of Fontanafredda Via IV Novembre, 9 Fontanafredda / British Institutes
British Institute of Forte dei Marmi, Via dell'Acqua, 7 Forte dei Marmi / British Institutes
British Institute of Frosinone, Via Aldo Moro, 222 Frosinone / British Institutes
British Institute of Frosinone, Via Aldo Moro, 222 Frosinone / British Institutes
British Institute of Gallarate, Via Cavour, 6 Gallarate / British Institutes
British Institute of Gallipoli, Via Lecce 6 Gallipoli / British Institutes
British Institute of Gioia Tauro, Strada Statale, 111 Gioia Tauro / British Institutes
British Institute of Giugliano in Campania Via D. Alighieri, 78 Giugliano in Campania / British Institutes
British Institute of Gorizia, C.so Italia, 71 g Gorizia / British Institutes
British Institute of Grosseto, Via Mameli, 34 Grosseto / British Institutes
British Institute of Imola, Via Appia, 62 Imola / British Institutes
British Institute of Isernia, Via Umbria, 169/A Int.1 sernia / British Institutes
British Institute of Lamezia Terme, C.so G. Nicotera, 193 Lamezia Terme / British Institutes
British Institute of Lanciano, Piazza E. Miscia, 2 Lanciano / British Institutes
British Institute of L'aquila, Via San Benedetto in Perillis , 6 L'aquila / British Institutes
British Institute of Latina, Centro Comm.le Latinafiori - Torre Orchidee sc. A Latina / British Institutes
British Institute of Lecce Via D. degli Abruzzi, 23 Lecce / British Institutes
British Institute of Legnano, C.so Sempione, Legnano / British Institutes
British Institute of Livorno, Via Borra, 35 Livorno / British Institutes
British Institute of Lodi, P.zza della Vittoria, Lodi / British Institutes
British Institute of Lucca, Via Stradone, 1/L Lucca / British Institutes
British Institute of Manerbio, Via San Martino del Carso, 6 Manerbio / British Institutes
British Institute of Marano, C.so Italia , 33 Marano / British Institutes
British Institute of Marina di Carrara Via C. Fiorillo, 6 Marina di Carrara / British Institutes
British Institute of Massa, P.zza Mercurio, 9 Massa / British Institutes
British Institute of Matera, Via Nicola Sole, 2 Matera / British Institutes
British Institute of Merate, Via Quintaberta, 14/20 Merate / British Institutes
British Institute of Milan, Buenos Aires Via Palazzi 2/a Milan / British Institutes
British Institute of Milano, Buenos Aires Via Palazzi 2/a Milano / British Institutes
British Institute of Milano, Cadorna Via Leopardi, 8 Milano / British Institutes
British Institute of Milano, P.ta Romana 55 C.so di Porta Romana Milano / British Institutes
British Institute of Modena, Via Spallanzani, 39 Modena / British Institutes
British Institute of Molfetta, V.le Pio XI, 48/15 Molfetta / British Institutes
British Institute of Monopoli, Via Marconi, 33/35 Monopoli / British Institutes
British Institute of Montecatini Terme, Via Cavallotti, 32 Montecatini Terme / British Institutes
British Institute of Monza, Via Cernuschi, 8 (Area Cambiaghi) Monza / British Institutes
British Institute of Mortara, C.so Garibaldi, 36 Mortara / British Institutes
British Institute of Naples, Via G. Santacroce, 79 Naples / British Institutes
British Institute of Napoli, Secondigliano Corso Secondigliano, 190 Napoli Secondigliano / British Institutes
British Institute of Nola, Via Onor. F. Napolitano, 58 - P.co Carducci Nola / British Institutes
British Institute of Novara, B.do Quintino Sella, 1 Novara / British Institutes
British Institute of Novi Ligure, Via De Ambrosis, 21 / British Institutes
British Institute of Ovada, Piazza Mazzini, 59 Novi Ligure / British Institutes
British Institute of Palmi, Via Pitagora trav.1, 19 Palmi / British Institutes
British Institute of Parma, Strada della Repubblica, 45 Parma / British Institutes
British Institute of Pavia, C.so Mazzini, 6 Pavia / British Institutes
British Institute of Perugia, Via R. Gallenga, 48 Perugia / British Institutes
British Institute of Pescara, Via P. Lanciano, 78 Pescara / British Institutes
British Institute of Piacenza, Via Cavour, 58/A Piacenza / British Institutes
British Institute of Pianura, Via S. Donato, 17 Pianura / British Institutes
British Institute of Pinerolo, Via Rivoira Don, 24 Pinerolo / British Institutes
British Institute of Pisa, Via Battelli, 29/A Pisa / British Institutes
British Institute of Poggibonsi, Viale Marconi, 139 Poggibonsi / British Institutes
British Institute of Pomezia, Via Della Motomeccanica, 2 Pomezia / British Institutes
British Institute of Pomezia, Via Della Motomeccanica, 2 Pomezia / British Institutes
British Institute of Pordenone, Via IV Novembre, 9 Pordenone / British Institutes
British Institute of Potenza, Via Sole, 73 Potenza / British Institutes
British Institute of Pozzuoli, Via Roma, 4 Pozzuoli / British Institutes
British Institute of Prato, V.le della Repubblica, 82/84 Prato / British Institutes
British Institute of Ravenna, Via Cavour, 114 Ravenna / British Institutes
British Institute of Reggio Calabria, Via Dalmazia, 1 Reggio Calabria / British Institutes
British Institute of Rho, Galleria Europa, 39 Rho / British Institutes
British Institute of Rieti, Via G. Garibaldi 207 Rieti / British Institutes
British Institute of Rimini, Via Della Repubblica, 100/108 Rimini / British Institutes
British Institute of Roma Horizons, L.go Brindisi, 18(int.11); Via Cavour 246 Roma Horizons
British Institute of Roma, Via Aurelia, 137 Roma
British Institute of Rome Horizons, L.go Brindisi, 18(int.11); Via Cavour 246 Roma Horizons
British Institute of Rome, Via Aurelia, 137 Rome / British Institutes
British Institute of Rovereto, C.so Rosmini, 66 r Rovereto / British Institutes
British Institute of Salerno, Via Gen.V. Robertiello, 8 Salerno / British Institutes
British Institute of San Donato, M.se Via A. Moro, 107 San Donato / British Institutes
British Institute of San Lazz. di Savena, Via F.lli Canova, 23 San Lazz. di Savena / British Institutes
British Institute of Santa Marinella, Via Valdambrini, 91 Santa Marinella / British Institutes
British Institute of Saronno, P.zza Caduti Saronnesi, 8/A Saronno / British Institutes
British Institute of Sassari, Viale Trento 1/A Sassari / British Institutes
British Institute of Scafati, Via P. Melchiade, 43 Scafati / British Institutes
British Institute of Seregno, P.zza Risorgimento, 21 Seregno / British Institutes
British Institute of Siena, Via Montanini, 88 Siena / British Institutes
British Institute of Sora, Via S. Amasio, 7 Sora / British Institutes
British Institute of Stradella, Via Faravelli, 7 Stradella / British Institutes
British Institute of Sulmona, V.le Roosvelt, 14 Sulmona / British Institutes
British Institute of Taranto, Via Duca Degli Abruzzi, 11, Taranto / British Institutes
British Institute of Teramo, Via Badia, 23 Teramo / British Institutes
British Institute of Terni, Via Guglielmi, 29 Terni / British Institutes
British Institute of Tivoli, V.le Picchioni, 12/14 Tivoli / British Institutes
British Institute of Tivoli, V.le Picchioni, 12/14 Tivoli / British Institutes
British Institute of Torino, Via XX Settembre, 65 Torino / British Institutes
British Institute of Torre Annunziata, C.so Umberto I, 85 Torre Annunziata / British Institutes
British Institute of Torre del Greco, Viale Europa, 63 Torre del Greco / British Institutes
British Institute of Tortona, C.so Leoniero, 25 Tortona / British Institutes
British Institute of Tradate, Via De Simoni, 15 Tradate / British Institutes
British Institute of Trani, Via Umberto 287 Trani / British Institutes
British Institute of Trento, P.zzetta Anfiteatro, 8 Trento / British Institutes
British Institute of Treviglio, V.le Piave, 18 Treviglio / British Institutes
British Institute of Trezzano, S/N V.le L. Da Vinci, 43 Trezzano / British Institutes
British Institute of Turin, Via XX Settembre, 65 Turin / British Institutes
British Institute of Udine, Palazzo Fadalti - Viale Tricesimo 200 Sc. A Udine / British Institutes
British Institute of Varese, Via Manzoni, 3 Varese / British Institutes
British Institute of Vasto, Via Alessandrini 6/A Vasto / British Institutes
British Institute of Venafro, Via G. da Bondone, 73 Venafro / British Institutes
British Institute of Verbania, C.so Garibaldi, 52 Verbania / British Institutes
British Institute of Viareggio,Via Circonvallazione, 34 Viareggio / British Institutes
British Institute of Vibo Valentia, V.le Kennedy, 65 Vibo Valentia / British Institutes
British Institute of Vigevano, Via Biffignandi, 37 Vigevano / British Institutes
British Institute of Viterbo, Via Polidori, 26 Viterbo / British Institutes
British Institute of Voghera, Via Plana, 27 Voghera / British Institutes

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Anderson House, Bergamo, Italy

The scene is set the stage is lit and the pantomime begins. Enter onstage the villain Peter Frederick Anderson (P.F.A) a language school owner and a very unpleasant man according to the script.

As I went looking for my (by now very dirty) spade in the toolshed I started humming that tune from the film "The Italian Job" (you know the original great one not the useless sequel) what was it called...............? Oh yes! "The Self Preservation Society". What a great soundtrack if The Anderson House pantomime ever made it to the big screen.

These days the Inspector gets the distinct impression that The TEFL Blacklist is a Blacklist Preservation Society as so many threads are pulled from so many sites he has to save them for his discerning readers to view. Bring back good old fashioned shredding, as at least you knew where you stood.

Anyway I digress. Back to the panto........

I could point you to the links but as they will probably be made to disappear I cordially invite you to sit back, open up a bottle of fermented Yak's milk, belch freely and read what this very naughty language school owner has got up to recently . I'll just cut and paste the various allegations

(exit from stage, The extremely dashing, Inspector Mchammered of the Lard bellowing "betcha he did it")



The Plot

Posted on Saint Dave's. Last year there were financial problems at Anderson House. As a result, promised bonuses were apparently not paid to some staff (others did receive theirs). The problem, which, let's face it, is not unique was quite poorly handled by the owner. He insulted some teachers, apparently threatened others, and generally pissed most teachers off by several mindlessly vindictive acts (for example - telling one teacher he would be evaluated in the last week of his contract - then not showing up for the evaluation (twice)!). There was talk of legal action by some teachers at the end of the term. One other senior staff member (non-instructional) quit abruptly. The Director of Studies supposedly found out he was being released when someone pointed out an ad for his job on the internet.
For this year, contracts have been changed (lower salaries; bonuses based on the school's financial situation, etc.) so that a similar situation will presumably be avoided. But for several of those who worked at Anderson House last year, there is a justifiable residue of bitterness.

The Final Act

We have reached the limit of the overdraft allowance, we haven't paid the tax for June and July. Sorry, I'm not joking: we really are broke.
Peter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Da: Nick Bailey [mailto:nick@thetravellingturtle.com]
Inviato: mercoledì 2 agosto 2006 2.53
A: p.anderson@andersonhouse.it
Oggetto: "I want my baby to be remembered" - as what?

Dear Peter,

It would be a shame for AH if your clients learn about the way your employees feel about you breaking your contract with them. I don't believe that you have insufficient funds to pay us the money that you are legally binded to pay us - and even if you do, the overdraft allowance for a s.r.l. would provide you with more than enough capital for you to meet your financial commitments to us.

Lets not make this messy,

Nick

Hi xxx,

How are you? I hope all's well.

Please forward this to your classmates as I don't have their email addresses, as well as your superiors. This link reflects the views of the teachers at Anderson House this year and I feel that the clients of the organisation I represented should understand our views.

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/job/viewtopic.php?p=436729#436729

Good luck with everything,

Nick

(Note by The Inspector. Don't waste your time trying to find that link. Saint Dave, the Directors' Darling pulled it. I bet his mum used to spank him for breaking his toys)

Bergamo House – Staff appraisals form by disgruntled

Bergamo House – Staff appraisals form

We would appreciate your comments regarding your experiences working with us this year. If you could please take the time to complete the following questionnaire it may aid us in providing a more pleasurable experience for our future “project workers”, as strangely very few of you seem to be interested in continuing on with us at Bergamo House.

Paying attention to the needs of our employees may have the previously unforeseen consequence of our “project workers” providing a more satisfactory service to our clients which, in turn, could well allow us to proceed with our primary objective - the expansion of The Empire;

1. Do you think that P.F.A. will actually take the time to read this?
a) Yes
b) NO
c) It depends on whether he’s taken his pills.
d) It depends on which pills he’s taken.

2. Should P.F.A. actually take the time to read this, do you think he will…

a) try to act upon the feedback he has been provided with.
b) consider himself far too superior to accept the advice of others and dismiss it accordingly.
c) try to think of another object on which to attach his name (cars – done!, bins – done! Sign in the toilet – done!)

3. Should P.F.A. actually try to act upon the feedback he has been provided with, do you think he will…

a) endeavour to provide his ‘project workers’ with improved working conditions.
b) rant to himself quietly because he really has no idea how to do his job.
c) take another pill.

4. How would you describe P.F.A.’s rapport with you and your fellow “project workers”?

a) Warm, friendly and full of concern about your daily lives.
b) He couldn’t give a shit ‘cos The Empire is more important.
c) It depends on whether he’s taken his pills.
d) It depends on which pills he’s taken.

5. How have you enjoyed your time at Bergamo House?

a) It’s the best TEFL job I’ve had!
b) Fucking awful!
c) It depends on whether he’d taken his pills.
d) It depends on which pills he’d taken.

6. How many “project workers” have resigned from Bergamo House as a result of P.F.A. not listening to their concerns?

a) None
b) At least one a month
c) Can’t remember ‘cos I’ve started taking pills too!

7. Would you ask P.F.A. for a letter of reference?

a) Of course, he’s a model character whose opinion I respect more than my mother’s.
b) WHAT?
c) It depends on whether he’s taken his pills.
d) It depends on which pills he’s taken.

8. Imagine P.F.A. offered you a contract that paid €5000 a month for 20 contact hours a week, would you accept it?

a) Of course, the man has honour and I’d love to work for him again!
b) Yeah right! If I’d wanted to earn big cash by working for a crook, then I’d be working as a lawyer for Shell with much less stress.
c) I’d ask his doctor if he’d changed his pills and how long he was going to be on them for.

9. How much attention and forethought do you think goes into providing the “project workers” with a comfortable timetable?

a) My timetable has been perfect – no complaints at all.
b) About as much as when I played ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ for the first time at my fifth birthday party.
c) It depends on how high I was on P.F.A.’s list of most hated “project workers”.

Thank you for taking the time to read this questionnaire. However, as you anticipated in your answers to questions (1) and (2) we really don’t give a toss about your welfare and will continue to act like the wankers we are until we really do go bankrupt.

Da: Nick Bailey [mailto:nick@thetravellingturtle.com]
Inviato: lunedì 17 luglio 2006 13.29
A: pander@bergamohouse.it
Oggetto: 13. END OF CONTRACT CONDITIONS


Dear Peter,

I am writing to you further to receiving my payment following the end of my contract with Bergamo House. I would like to thank you for the prompt transfer of my salary for June 2006. However, I have not yet received the bonus for completion of my contract. The criteria for eligibility for this bonus is stated very clearly in the contract i.e.

13. END OF CONTRACT CONDITIONS
13.1 Upon fulfilment and completion of the contract (February 1st, 2006 to June 30th, 2006) the teacher will receive a bonus of maximum €400,00 should the following conditions below be fulfilled:

€100,00 for punctuality and not one single complaint for being late. If the delay is caused by circumstances beyond the control of the teacher, it will not be considered.

€100,00 for absolute adherence to the dress code (see Appendix 1).

€100,00 for impeccable register keeping and admin work.

€100,00 for not having missed one single working day voluntarily, that is, not showing up or not finding appropriate cover for lessons in case of absence.

For these conditions to be fulfilled, the teacher should have zero non-conformity forms regarding the above descriptions.

I acknowledge the fact that I received non-conformity forms regarding my admin work as well as the occasion when I overslept, though please note that I was working a timetable which did not provide me with the 11 hours rest between finishing work and starting again the following day which is required by European law. However, I did not receive any non-conformity forms regarding my dress code or my punctuality and therefore should qualify for the €100 bonus for these two conditions.

I have appreciated your fairness and support throughout my period of employment and trust that you will be able to help me resolve this issue.

Yours sincerely,

Nick Bailey

(entrance on stage, that old TEFL tease, Inspector Mchammered of the Lard muttering incoherently to himself - after having unwisely drunk a litre of ferneted Yak's milk - "string the bugger up!")

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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