An Ambassador is Recalled

Absolutely nothing to do with TEFL but I was so amused by this article on the BBC website I just had to post it here, as it's priceless. For all you politically correct lot out there The Inspector would like to state categorically that he is not having a dig at:

• Israel
• El Salvador
• Bondage (definitely not)
• Politicians
• Rubber Balls
• Cucumbers
  

I think that just about covers the lot so read on and let this be a lesson to you all.....................

Israel recalls 'naked ambassador'

Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear.

Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth.
A foreign ministry official described Ambassador Tzuriel Refael's behaviour as an unprecedented embarrassment.
The incident, which happened two weeks ago, has renewed calls for a radical overhaul of the way Israel appoints and promotes its diplomats.
San Salvador was Mr Refael's first post as ambassador. He was promoted in 2006 from a technical position in the ministry which had involved several foreign postings.
He was being recalled, although he had not broken any laws, foreign ministry spokeswoman Zehavit Ben-Hillel told reporters.
She confirmed that lurid reports of the incident in the Israeli press were accurate.
"We're talking about behaviour that is unbecoming of a diplomat," she said.
Israel has been rocked by a recent series of misconduct and corruption scandals, shaking public confidence in the political leadership.
Haaretz website reports that police found Mr Refael in the Israeli embassy compound where he had been found bound, gagged and naked apart from sado-masochistic sex accessories.

With a bit of luck this might be common practice over there. The Inspector can think of a few language school owners who might enjoy a trip to the sun although there is always the risk that if their wives call they might have to say that they can't come to the phone as they're tied up.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Inspector is Exposed

Rum times and all that. Those of you who guessed that The Inspector's motives were not, eehrm shall we say all that they seemed, will be snorting tonight over a pint or two of fermented yak's milk (yes that wonderful drink is catching on)!
The real truth is that ever since Lady Florence McHammered divorced me, I've been pursued relentlessly from place to place. Luckily my good colleagues at Scotland Lard are shielding me as best they can from bailiffs and the like but the old bat screwed me for every last bean in court and I'm damned if I'll just hand it all over to her, well it's not reasonable. After all's said and done, who laundered the bloody stuff? So an 80 day around the world TEFL trip seemed the ideal solution to escape from her greedy clutches.
I got out of Italy by the skin of my teeth. She arrived in Cognito only a couple of hours after I'd left and now it seems the old cow's on her way to Val Ferret! I'm going to have to make a break for it under cover of darkness.
I'll disguise my appearance and just disappear for a while, naturally after covering my (yak) tracks so to speak. I've hired a car but God help me if she gets anywhere near it as she's quite likely to do something to the brakes and after the demise of the yak, I now realise that it's a long way down (as the Bishop said to the Actress, but I digress). I'm nearly done with Switzerland, to be honest, and just to let you know, in the strictest confidence, the Swiss don't appreciate the old Inspector's humour. Unexpected breaking of wind, the odd burp, saucy jokes....no joy, not even a brief flicker of a smile from the locals, even my fruity exploits in The Banana Club in Amsterdam were about as popular as a fart in a crowded lift.
Switzerland is definitely not a bundle of laughs! Plenty of mountains, nice fondue, loads of gnomes, but not a joke in sight! Definitely Rum times! Now that I think of it, I'm just about ready for a swift tot of Jamaican best!
Before I go though I'll be entering the Dragon's Lair very soon.
Yes dear readers, Inlingua have their HQ in Bern, which apparently means Bear (as in hug). Whether I can bear it though is another matter. Hopefully I'll emerge in one piece from the notorious Inlingua Dungeon and (after debriefing) be able to report back to all ye TEFL troops at the various frontlines around the world and having prised open the doors to the Inlingua Fortress, God willing, will be able to fill you in on the Inlingua "way".
With a bit of luck Lady Florence won't be around. The old tart has a numbered Swiss bank account and might just try to kill two birds with one stone. Nail The Inspector and make a quick deposit. Anyway mum's the word. It'll be a hush hush operation behind enemy lines.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Hull's School Zurich Switzerland

It's been a bad day. The bloody yak had to be put down after it hurtled down one of the Black slopes in Val Ferret, totally out of control and shot over a particularly sheer drop, landing with a nasty splat on the valley floor. Just knew those cucumber skis wouldn't bear the weight! No problem I'll get another one to continue the eighty day TEFL journey around the world.
The Inspector feels a bit of a tease this morning and has therefore decided to tease a school out of the woodwork.
For those of his regular readers, Cicero Languages International of Tonbridge Wells, will be a familiar name. Some shenanigans had gone on donkeys years ago in Russia, of which nobody currently working at the school strangely remembered anything. The new owner, Christopher Hills, can count himself extremely lucky to have been removed from The TEFL Blacklist, as his initial response was aggressive to say the least.
Not one to be vindictive (as you well know), The Inspector took note of the consequent outpourings of devotion from the Cicero Languages International staff and decided that the evidence against the school was not strong enough to deserve a blacklisting, but nevertheless he was deeply suspicious of the pompous tone emanating from Christopher Hills.
So what is the connection with Hull's School Zurich Switzerland you are no doubt asking yourselves. Well to put it bluntly, can a Hull be a Hill?
Is Robin Hull of the same ilk as Christopher Hills? Is he simply someone who enjoys trophy collecting and inspecting other schools, with the ego trip that this provides, or is he just a nice misunderstood bloke? Maybe Christopher Hills is a member of Greenpeace and donates to Doctor Barnados but I personally have my doubts, unfair as they may seem to Mr. Hills & Co.
Well we'll find out by flushing Mr. Robin Hull out!
The Inspector came across Hull's School, the other day during a day trip to Zurich, and decided to post it here partly because Hull's School seems to be obsessed with badge collection, you know member of this and that, all designed to impress and partly because Hull's School is a member of International House! Read this:

How do you recognise a good language school?
Good language schools have one or more of the following quality seals:
• International House
• Bell ’s
• EAQUALS (European Association of Quality Language Services)
• ISO
• British Council (nur für Schulen in England)

What guarantees do these quality seals entail?

• Qualified teachers
• Goal-oriented and structured programmes of study
• Individual learner support
• State-of-the-art facilities (including a self-access centre)
• Efficient administration
• Veracity of any information provided in the school’s publicity
• Professional placement of new students

So what's missing?

Yup absolutely no mention whatsoever about the poor mugs at the coal face - the teachers. Who honestly gives a stuff whether a language school has Bell's approval, or for that matter Johnny Walker's or Teacher's. None of these badges seem to tell you anything about how they treat their teachers. Your beloved Inspector is fed up reading about these "quality seals" which are about as much use as performing seals, in telling you anything meaningful about a school. It's mostly propaganda designed to push up sales. And guess what? The punters fall for it like lemmings.

The final straw for The Inspector was this passage:
"Robin Hull, himself a long-standing member and a school inspector of both International House and EAQUALS has visited most of the schools personally."
Most? What about visiting ALL of them squire?

If you want to pay Hull's School a visit they can be found at:
Hull's School
Seehofstrasse 3
8008 Zürich

A bizarre element is their slogan "Zurich's Downtown International School". Considering how much they witter on about the Cambridge exams, it seems an unusual lapse into American English. Perhaps the eminent Robin Hull is American, or perhaps he's just trying to sound cool.

P.S For those of you wondering, The Inspector's photo in his profile was taken when he was a much younger Police Constable (plain clothes). He was known in the Force as a bit of a ladies man, which unfortunately led to the break up of his sixth marriage to Lady Florence McHammered. The Inspector would like to take this opportunity to vehemently deny the scurrilous allegations published in The Times concerning a scuba diving outfit, riding whip and a certain Miss B. Ondage (apparently known as Big Bertha).

Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Benedict Schools

The Inspector knows nothing about this chain. A warning has recently been made in the "FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE" section by a very disgruntled teacher and The Inspector would therefore welcome any information at all in order to find out if anything nasty lurks under the Benedict Schools stone.

Benidict Schools Naples are currently advertising on Tefl.com, which is an ominous sign at this time of year.

Click here to find out how the Italians tell the time

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Berlitz Rome and Berlitz Milan

I have to confess that I let out a loud snigger on reading the following job advertisement on the website of those charlatans Tefl.com.

"Berlitz International, Inc. is among the world leaders in the field of language learning services. We have 475 language schools in over 60 countries and live up to an excellent reputation thanks to our high quality standards.
We are currently looking for English Mother Tongue Teachers in Rome and Milan.
10 full time positions available immediately in Rome".

Take a look at the Berlitz Japan section to read all about their "high standards". So they need ten teachers do they? There must have been a mass walkout. The words bull and sh*t spring to The Inspector's mind.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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British Institutes Italy

ALERT
Just a quick warning that the British Institutes have been spotted on Tefl.com. Get that barge pole out when you read the word "expanding school". This is often a euphemism for "teacher has done a runner and we're now desperate".
So barge poles at the ready troops and be very wary of:
British Institutes Vicenza
British Institutes Trevizo
British Institutes Gorizia
British Institutes Oderzo
British Institutes Arona
British Institutes Venice
British Institutes Taranto

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Cambridge Institute, Switzerland

When is an Institute not an Institute?
When it's in Switzerland!
The word Institute is protected in the UK and cannot be used in the name of a company. It is therefore somewhat ironic that language schools abroad abuse the use of the word Institute and try to come over as some kind of semi-official government organisation.
Although the word Institute can be defined as an educational establishment, it also has the connotation of being also somewhat official and respectable.
So why The Cambridge Institute? Apart from offering Cambridge exam courses, the connection ends there and you are left with the distinct impression of sharp practice, of using a name designed to deceive. These places have absolutely no connection with Cambridge University. There are a number of them dotted around the world in various countries and they are all private money making organisations.
So you or I or any Tom Wolfgang or Norbert can start up our very own Cambridge Institute and there is nothing anyone (especially Cambridge University) can do about it and if the punters think that we are linked to that noble Institution then so much the better and may the Swiss Francs roll in quicker than ever before.

These are The Cambridge Institutes in Switzerland (and what a cunning stunt to pull)

The Cambridge Institute, Zurich
Löwenstrasse 40
8001 Zürich
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Fribourg
Bd de Pérolles 18a
1700 Fribourg
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Bern
Seilerstr. 22
3011 Bern
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Basel
Weisse Gasse 6
Postfach
4001 Basel
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Lucerne
Tribschenstrasse 9
Postfach 4843
6002 Luzern
Switzerland

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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International House Beirut

The job of a lifetime, although it might be a short one! Advertising NOW on TEFL.com!
Good old International House are recruiting for Beirut in that calm backwater of the world, The Lebanon. If that doesn't tickle your fancy you can always apply for the Bogota post in (cocaine country) Columbia.

Requirements:

• A Black Belt in Karate or Tae Kwon Do.
  
• Ability to run 100 metres in under 10 seconds
• Be built like The Incredible Hulk
  
• Ability to stay calm under fire
• Good knowledge of First Aid
  
• Explosives experience - essential
• TEFL knowledge required - zero

The successful applicant will be expected to spend an hour each day at the firing range and give two nights voluntary service to the local branch of The Samaritans.

One way or the other you can expect to be fired (on).

Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Teaching English Abroad by Susan Griffith

Astonishment on picking up a copy of this supposed definitive reference guide, to discover that lots of BLACKLISTED schools are recommended. Should the Inspector be surprised? No of course not! She is after all trying to make money by selling her book and clearly cleans up through selling advertising space. What's wrong in that?
A cursory glance confirmed my worst fears. The roll call of recommended rotten schools is far too long to list for the moment as The Inspector has just upgraded his yak to the Himalayan variety and now that the beast has a child's size ski strapped to each hoof (the cucumber ski experiment was a total failure after the ungrateful brute ate them*) we're ready for the slopes and raring to pursue better things than some TEFL tabloid hack by the name of Susan Griffith (for the moment at least).
Regarding good (or rather bad) old Susan. A charlatan I'm afraid. That's not to say it would be fair to discount every single word she's written about "Teaching English Abroad", simply that she has a different agenda, which involves (yes you've guessed it) making money, and the more the merrier.
Get your barge poles out, all you fellow blacklisters, complain to the publisher, and we'll wade together through the "informative unbiased guide" weeding out blatant examples of self-interest.
Such books do so much harm, as the innocent newly qualified teacher turns to them for impartial advice.
Well don't. Put it in the bin, use it to light the fire, use it if you've run out of loo paper but above all don't fall into the trap of thinking it's the Bible of Teaching English Abroad because it is most definitely not. Shame on you Susan, my Granny would love to give you a good spanking for being a very naughty girl (for all The Inspector knows you may be an old tart but I digress as usual), you've written a book which should be pulped, reprinted and re-entitled "Teaching English Abroad For The Financial Benefit of Susan Griffith".

Here are the ISBN numbers:

• ISBN-10: 1854583522
• ISBN-13: 978-1854583529

* The cucumber ski experiment was mentioned in the response to Sandy in the section "The Inspector is in Cloud Cuckoo Land". Just a quick word to reassure you anxious readers, that unsound as he might be when it comes to yaks on skis, The Inspector knows that your ordinary cucumber has many other valuable uses.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL.COM - THE USUAL SUSPECTS ADVERTISING

Yup the cash tills are still ringing at TEFL.com
A very quick check by The Inspector shows that these people are currently advertising (Friday 2 March) all of whom are BLACKLISTED:

This is just in Europe!

• Anglo-Hellenic Teacher Recruitment
• The British School of Potenza, Italy
• British Institutes Ravenna, Italy
• British Institutes Andra, Italy
• British Institutes Bari, Italy
• British Institutes Apulia, Italy
• British Institutes of Arona, Italy
• Inlingua Naples, Italy
• Saxoncourt Recruitment
• East London School of English
• The British School of Maglie
  

Now why on earth do they need teachers in the middle of the academic year. I can't possibly imagine. You don't think that some of their teachers quit do you, because they are crap schools? No no no, perish the thought. It must be The Inspector's suspicious mind at work.

There are over 34 jobs in China and loads in Korea, some just have to be total nightmares and traps for the unwary. International House Kuala Lumpa has also been spotted, Shane English Schools naturally is there, also the usual crowd of crap jobs in the UK well documented as usual by Sandy. The Inspector may need to apply to Scotland Lard for an assistant as the workload seems to be piling up and he's currently stuck halfway up a mountain with a yak.

Shame on TEFL.com who clearly couldn't give a toss about the quality of organisations who pay to advertise on their website.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector is in Cloud Cuckoo Land

After The Inspector had to push yet another plate of pasta down his throat he protested by pushing off over the Alps to Switzerland. Eighty days is a long time to be on a yak and with boils on his bum he was cursing everything in sight by the time he finally made it over The Saint Bernard Pass. After a much needed stop for the obligatory slug of brandy he pressed bravely on into the land of the Cuckoo Clock.

Italy, in The Inspector's considered opinion, is full of mad macho testosterone fuelled male maniacs (totally wasted on the beautiful women) and the whole population could do with a collective madness-immunisation course for their own self-protection, of say valium or some other suitably strong sedative.

So what TEFL rogues lurk in cuckoo country?


The Swiss are notoriously secretive so a ferret or two might be have to be let loose, so to speak, up the odd trouser leg of some unsuspecting Swiss language school owner.


Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret (yes it exists) Switzerland

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The Oscar Results 2007

No shortage of nominations but for which category?
In no particular order of importance the following questions raise their ugly heads.
1. Smith is clearly a shyster of the first order but to whom? The most useless worthless franchises seems to be the appropriate category.
2. What to do about Wall Street Institute? Not nice people - sure - but as bad as some of the breathtakingly bad Chinese schools? No they can't be that bad, because they have to obey French labour law or face the guillotine. In China complain and you'll find you'll be shot at dawn and your body parts flogged on the open market by midday ready for a lucrative transplant.
3. Worst DOS? No nominations. Why? I suspect that a bad school and a bad DOS often go hand in hand. This however doesn't seem to apply to slimy Shane where there is clearly the odd good DOS amongst the many megalomaniac inefficient crap ones.
4. Worst building? Clearly there are loads of candidates for that in China but building regulations elsewhere are designed to stop your classroom literally falling down around you.
5. What about the shafted students? There should be a nomination for the poor sods who have lost money on fly by night "schools".

Let's get back to basics with revised categories.
OVERALL OSCAR WINNER WORST SCHOOL 2007
ASTA Kids Club in Incheon, Korea. This dump epitomises all that is bad in TEFL. Not the biggest rubbish TEFL tip but clearly a horrid place in which to work.
WORST OWNER
A close call, but Shane has to win because of the sheer number of teachers ripped off either through Shane schools or through the totally crap Saxoncourt Recruitment.
WORST DOS
ASTA Kids Club in Incheon, Korea wins a second award. An endless supply of creepy crawleys for your nightmares.
WORST PAID
Considering that England is so expensive - "East London School of English" wins by a cucumber. Salaries elsewhere in the world are lower but try living in London on what they pay you!
WORST LOCATION
China. Can be good if you're lucky but may God have mercy on you if you get it wrong!
WORST FRANCHISE (for people daft enough to buy one)
Smith's School of English, Japan. Shame on International House London as well and worthy of a special mention.
WORST JOB BULLETIN BOARD
TEFL.com. No attempt at all to inform the unsuspecting teacher of crap outfits. At least Saint Dave Sperling has a forum (albeit heavily neutered).
WORST TEFL COURSE PROVIDER
A no brainer. The odious prat Paul Lowe of Windsor TEFL Courses should be erased from the TEFL map and if a certain Wally Windsor gets his way he will receive the global publicity he deserves.
WORST SHYSTERS FOR STUDENTS
Wall Street Institute for being bankruptcy bandits.

As you have probably gathered The Inspector is not in a good mood. Just thinking about some of these "schools" brings out boils on his bum and he can't sit down.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Bluniverse, Hefei China

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION

"Branches in Anhui province.

60 hour work weeks. Teaching hours and office hours are not counted equally. Yes, the contract says teaching hours are limited to 24 a week, but you got to be in the office for more time than that.

Yellow, the boss, is a control freak who manipulates everyone.

He changes the schedule on the whims of parents.

Class times are random at best, at often depend on the schedules of the bratty kid whose parents have the most money or influense.

Accommodation is crap.

Most days you got to teach mornings at some offsite god awful middle school, then get the afternoon off, then work evenings teaching clawing high-school students and middle school students.

Salary is based on teaching hours, not on a monthly basis. If no one wants classes in January, you don't get paid because you didn't teach. Meanwhile, you're still expected to be in the office for 40 hours a week.

IF kiddies want lessons everyday during their spring holiday. you work up to 200 hours that month, but will be told that your get a monthly salary of less than you expect.

stay away"

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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International House Kuala Lumpur

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION
International House Kuala Lumpur.

The whole place is an utter shambles with awful pay, pathetic holidays, 6 day weeks, a corrupt owner and what must be the biggest turnover in staff anywhere. Still, IH London don't mind...they get the affiliation money and can say they are in Malaysia!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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AAC in Helsinki Finland

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION
AAC in Helsinki are the biggest bunch of w**k***s on the earth. Low pay for teachers and lots of lovely interfering, the micromanaging c**ts. More later!

NB. As Granny is convinced that the innocent youth of today simply wouldn't understand some of the eloquence used above, I've had to humour her. So here you are Blacklisters - Granny's first word quiz!
Clue: the first word rhymes with thankers and the second with punts.
Answers on a postcard please to:
AAC Global
Tammasaarenkatu 5
00180 HELSINKI
Post address:
PO. BOX 206, 00201 HELSINKI
Tel. +358 (0)9 4766 7800
fax +358 (0)9 4766 7810

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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TEFL Worldwide Prague

A RECOMMENDED SCHOOL
TEFL Worldwide Prague is a very good place to learn to teach English as a Foreign Language. Check out Alicia's (Alicat) blog which is a good read, being both very funny, refreshingly honest and obligatory reading for anyone wanting to teach in Prague. I hope the Management at TEFL Worldwide Prague give her one or all of the following:

• a nice envelope stuffed full of cash
• a new set of latex underwear
• an all expenses paid evening out at Dog's Bollocks (a bar - I checked it's real!)
• a nice hunky boyfriend (she may already be fixed up by the time you read this)

as a reward for alerting The Inspector to the original malicious unfounded posting.

He was to be seen taking notes whilst reading the September archive on her blog and was reminded of the song by Tom Lehrer "The Masochism Tango", given the recent spate of sado-masochism/bondage postings on The TEFL Blacklist (apparently known as BDSM in the trade)

"Alicat's" blog can be found by clicking HERE

The Masochism Tango (Tom Lehrer)

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips dear,
You can raise welts, like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye, set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches,
The last time I needed twenty stitches,
To sew up the gash, that you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Bash in my brain, and make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again, and say we'll never part.

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder,
Fracture my spine, and swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The OSCARS (TEFL) 2007

Only four more days to go. Now's your last chance to cast your vote.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Homage to SandyM - doyen of The Cucumber Industry

Just a brief word to acknowledge the enormous efforts made by Sandy in exposing Shysters and also in his efforts to support the Cucumber Industry.
Well done Sandy. Keep it up!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

As you can imagine The Inspector gets quite a few postings of a somewhat ehrrm, uncharitable type. I would now like to set the record straight:

• I like buses but have no desire to throw myself under one.
• I have no desire to get to know "the boys" down a dim alleyway at night!
• My sexual preferences are none of your business and in any case I would need to do a fair bit of yoga to have a sexual relationship with myself so comments of that type are sheer wishful fantasy.
• "Go forth and multiply" was how it was put in the Bible. Please don't reduce it to two short words.

Why does this blog exist? For the following reasons:

1. Why should any professional have trained for at least three years Graduate study and then be expected to get some Mickey Mouse overpriced diploma to......
2. Teach for less than you pay a toilet cleaner, a dishwasher or any job in McDonald's. No offence to people working in those industries but you didn't have to spend a lot of time, energy and money to end up being exploited.
3. Megalomaniac, egocentric school owners and petty DOS' are often the norm, especially in China and Korea.
   
4. What sets TEFL/ESL apart, is that too many schools hide behind a fictitious facade of corporate professionalism, when in reality far too many bully, overwork and underpay their teachers and do not deliver what they promise, Shane Schools is a fine example.
5. EFL teachers have no union with any teeth.
6. EFL teachers are often cheated by schools running outrageously expensive TEFL Cert. courses.
   
7. TEFL career prospects are worse than a turkey's at Christmas

That dear readers is why this blog exists. To inform and enlighten the innocent TEFL lambs and warn them of the Big Bad Wolf.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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International House

What! International House I imagine you're thinking. This time The Inspector has gone too far. Calm down, relax. I'm not blacklisting International House London, whose courses (albeit expensive)I have no gripe with (for the moment). I'm blacklisting the International House franchise project which lets any old Tom Dick Harry or Carlos, Pierre or Norbert start up and use, or rather abuse, the International House name. Shame on you International House. If you want to expand, do it honourably and manage the overseas scam "International House" schools to the same standard you would expect in London.
How many teachers have signed up for one of your overseas courses with one of your franchise schools without knowing that they were not the real thing. And don't waste your time replying that the courses are underwritten, supervised by International House London. It all looks nice in print but IT ISN'T HONEST.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL Italy ESL Jobs in Italy

ITALY!

The Mad Hatter's Tea (T for TEFL) Party
A country of contrasts. From Potenza to Pasta and Milan to Mafia. It's dangerous to generalise, but the Italians can be the most charming people you have ever met and at the same time the most devious. Girls do take warning, the Inspector has heard of randy Italians so desperate for a quick fix that they have been know to lie down and look up your skirts! Amazing but true.

Even back in Roman times you could see sophistication and savagery together in the same society. The porn paintings in the brothels in Pompei take some beating.....














....now they just throw the TEFL teachers to the lions.

Expect to be a bit schizo when it comes to teaching English in Italy. You'll meet some wonderful people, but the whole country can be a bit like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party or should I say TEFL Party.

I'll be returning to this posting a lot over the next few days. Just to link everything together for starters here's a list of schools in Italy to avoid:

British Institutes Italy
The British Schools Italy
Anderson House, Bergamo
Inlingua Naples
Angloschool, Potenza

Update March 4 2007
AVOID
Living languages, Reggio di Calabria, Italy
Inlingua Avellino

Unless, that is, your a masochist!

Click here to see a model Italian lesson.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Executive Language Services ELS Paris

The owner of this outfit is a Dorothy Polley, otherwise known in the Trade as "Mad Dorothy". The Inspector rests his case Millud.
Her madhouse can be found at the following address:
Executive Language Services
20, rue Sainte-Croix de la Bretonnerie
75004 PARIS

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Inlingua Paris

Very much an organisation to avoid. One little scam they operate is to force you to learn their useless method, which in The Inspector's opinion has less value than parrot droppings.
If you decide you want to leave during your contract they make you pay for your so called training and deduct a hefty sum from your salary.
Sharp practice from a Great White, or rather, Black Shark.

Smooth talking businessmen in flash suits, snotty receptionists and admin staff. All that glitters here is definitely not gold. Don't go near them or you'll lose an arm and a leg!

Want to see Paris? See it on vacation not with this bunch of shysters. They are always advertising. It doesn't take a degree in rocket science to work out why.

The Inspector will return to the theme of franchising often. It's a racket, even operated by the Mother Theresa of language schools, International House. Another rogue outfit, hiding behind slick marketing, is of course Wall Street Institute whose franchisees have gone bankrupt again and again only to reappear like phoenix from the ashes with a new company fronting the name who naturally disown the debt of the previous lame duck. The franchisee pays megabucks for the right to use the name, other than that they pay lip service to the owner of the franchise.

Inlingua Paris can be found at the following addresses:

Inlingua Paris la Défense
CNIT Center
2, Place de la Défense
F-92053 Paris la Défense

Inlingua Paris La Plaine Saint Denis
ZAC des Cornillons
11, rue des Gazométres
F-93210 Saint Denis La Plaine

Inlingua Paris Levallois Perret
22-24, rue du Président Wilson
F-92300 Levallois Perret

Inlingua Paris Rive Gauche
109, rue de l'Université
F-75007 Paris

Inlingua Paris Roissy
Batiment Le Gaugin - Paris Nord 2
47 Allée des Impressionnistes, BP 50408 Villepinte
F-95944 Roissy Charles de Gaulle cedex

Inlingua Paris Versailles
3, rue du Maréchal de Lattre de Tassigny
F-78150 Le Chesnay


Here's a list of all the other Inlinguas in France. Remember they are all owned by different people but are all probably tarred with the same brush. Ask questions before signing anything. If you don't get clear unambiguous answers get that barge pole out.

Here are the other Inlingua centres in France. Message to all Inlingua owners - I personally think that your organisation sucks. If any of you charming bunch of businessmen, who pretend that you are experts in language teaching, think that you have been unfairly tarred and targeted, The Inspector would like to hear from you. However please don't bother sending me the usual threats to break my legs or sue me. How sad that The Inspector sees through your slick marketing and thinks that your organisation is rotten to the core, but life's a bitch.

Inlingua Aix-en-Provence
Hemiris Bât A
115, rue Claude Nicolas Ledoux
F-13854 Aix-en-Provence/CX03

Inlingua Amiens
Rue des Jacobins
F-80000 Amiens

Inlingua Arcachon
Villa Tosca
11 boulevard du Général Leclerc
F-33120 Arcachon

Inlingua Belfort
ZAC de la Justice
rue Gustave Lang
F-90000 Belfort

Inlingua Besançon
MBR Services, Le Master's 21
Espace Valentin
F-25048 Besançon Cédex

Inlingua Bordeaux-Mérignac
Parc d'activité Kennedy
5 rue Henri Becquerel, Batiment F RC
F-33700 Bordeaux-Mérignac

Inlingua Boulogne sur Mer
1, blvd. de la Liane
F-62200 Boulogne sur Mer

Inlingua Caen
Parc d'Activités de la
10, rue Colonel Rémy, Bt.M18
F-14000 Caen

Inlingua Chalon Sur Saône
75 Grande Rue St Côme
F-71100 Chalon Sur Saône

Inlingua Clermont Ferrand
18, allée Evariste Galois
F-63170 Aubière

Inlingua Colmar
MBR Services Colmar
4, rue de la Houblonnière
F-68000 Colmar

Inlingua Compiègne
Les Tertiales Bât. A
ZAC de Mercières 1
F-60200 Compiègne
Tel: +33 3 44 97 05 05
Fax: +33 3 44 97 05 06

Inlingua Dijon
8, allée A. Bourland / BP 176
F-21005 Dijon Cedex

Inlingua Dunkerque
16, rue Georges Clémenceau
F-59760 Grande Synthe

Inlingua Epinal
7 bis, avenue de la Loge Blanche
F-88000 Epinal

Inlingua Evreux
13, rue de la Mairie
F-27000 Evreux

Inlingua Inlingua Haguenau
44, blvd. de Lattre de Tassigny
F-67500 Haguenau

Inlingua Hazebrouck
41, avenue du Maréchal Delattre de Tassigny
F-59190 Hazebrouck

Inlingua La Rochelle
Z.A les Minimes
6 Rue d'Artimon
F-17000 La Rochelle


Inlingua Le Havre
16, rue Pierre Brossolette
F-76600 Le Havre

Inlingua Lens
Ecoparc du Bord des Eaux
Boulevard F. de Magellan
F-62100 Hénin-Beaumont

Inlingua Lille
12 rue de Cannes, 3e étage
F-59000 Lille

Inlingua Lyon
74, rue de Bonnel
F-69003 Lyon

Inlingua Lyon Chassieu
20, avenue des Frères Montgolfier
F-69680 Chassieu

Inlingua Marcq-En-Baroeul
Château Rouge, BP 5051
278, Avenue de la Marne
F-59705 Marcq-En-Baroeul

Inlingua Marseille
33 Boulevard de la Liberté
F-13001 Marseille

Inlingua Metz
Espace Serpenoise
19, en Nouvellerue
F-57000 Metz

Inlingua Mulhouse
MBR Services Mulhouse
65, rue Jean Monnet
F-68200 Mulhouse

Inlingua Nancy
10, rue Mazagran
F-54000 Nancy

Inlingua Nantes
CAP OUEST Sat du Perray
2 bis rue Robert Le Ricolais
F-44300 Nantes cedex 04

Inlingua Orléans
2, rue de Patay
F-45000 Orléans

Inlingua Pau
86 Boulevard de la Paix
F-64000 Pau

Inlingua Rouen
8, rue Jean Rostand, BP 156
F-76144 Le Petit Quevilly CX

Inlingua Saint Jean-de-Luz
Espace Olano P.A. Jalday
F-64500 Saint Jean-de-Luz

Inlingua Saverne
Parc d'Activité La Licorne
10 rue d'Otterswiller
F-67700 Saverne

Inlingua Strasbourg
8, rue Hannong
F-67380 Lingolsheim

Inlingua Toulouse
Technoparc Basso Cambo
13, rue Paulin Talabot
F-31100 Toulouse

Inlingua Tours
Centre d'Affaires Axe
8, rue Honoré de Balzac
F-37000 Tours

Inlingua Valenciennes
Parc d'Activités de l'Aérodrome Ouest
rue Louis Duvant
F-59328 Valenciennes cedex

Click here for the soundtrack (the theme tune to the movie Jaws!)

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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TEFL France, ESL Jobs in France

"I don't want to join a club that will accept me as a member"
Groucho Marx.
If any of these blacklisted schools offer you a job, get that bargepole out "tout de suite"!
TEFL in France seems to have slumped in the last five years. As a consequence there are fewer jobs around and the ones that you'll see advertised on places like TEL.com will probably have low staff morale, high staff turnover and not be nice places to work.

In and around Paris avoid:

• Inlingua Paris
• Wall Street Institute Paris
  
• I.A.L (Institute Of Applied Languages) Paris
  
• Transfer Paris
  
• Formalangues Paris
  
• Le Comptoir des Langues Paris
  
• Ecole Berlitz Paris
• Executive Language Services Paris
• Fontainebleau Langues et Communications
  

Elsewhere in France avoid:

• International House - Nice

Click here for the movie.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector reaches Italy's private parts

The Inspector or l'inspecteur as he is known in France decided yesterday to drive through the Mont Noir tunnel to Italy thus continuing his intrepid journey around the world in eighty days.

He found a wonderful lakeside hotel in the famous Italian alpine resort of Cognito. Pressed for time he will simply post the names of the schools in France awarded a black star for the moment and give you the juicy details later.

Things are hotting up for the OSCARS 2007 on 25 February. Front runner clearly is Smith's School of English in Japan, a good cucumber's length ahead of Paul Lowe.

Do check out Sandy's blog as he seems to have got the sh*t between the teeth, as the saying goes - regarding Windsor TEFL!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard, in Cognito, Italy

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Wall Street Institute, France

A few comments from happy employees of Wall Street, safely archived from the web for openers:

“You should clear about 11 euros an hour. That might hold you over till you find a real teaching job.”

“So they only pay 11 euros an hour, but you get to have "encounters" with the students? Shocked on company time or your own? Wink”

”Wall Street in my experience are just slick businessmen in suits and beneath all the clever marketing are basically cowboys. They regularly go bust around Europe (many recently in Spain and a few in France - Lyon, Paris, Rouen). Avoid them like the plague. ”

”Although I've never worked in one myself, I've yet to meet a former WS employee with a good word to say about them. I love their marketing on the metro: "98% pass rate" i.e. our own internal test. ”

”Calling Wall Street an 'Institute' is like calling McDonalds a 'RESTAURANT.'

”I see from their ads on the metro that you can take their diagnostic test absolutely FREE and without committing to a course. Now that's what I call a special offer!!! ”

”Does this mean WSI are now borrowing marketing techniques from the Scientologists and the Hare Krishnas? ”

”No, they are way better then Scientologists or 'would you like a free book' Krishnas. They don't call student's limited time with a teacher a lesson - it's an 'encounter.' Really. ”

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector finally departs!

I had been informed that the Dutch ski slopes were high up and that Interpol was in Holland. As I have previously reported, I was wrong on both counts. High? Well I was certainly high as a kite on what I had innocently believed was a Marlboro light and had a very nasty moment at Heathrow as I looked a bit of a wreck and not my usual dapper self . Luckily I pulled rank with my connections at Scotland Lard, exited the airport, a bit sharpish shall we say, and decided to return the next day to fly to Lyon, where I was assured Interpol were based, and do a bit of proper skiing and begin my "Round the TEFL World in Eighty Days" journey in France.

The only problem with France, in the Inpector's view is the French. Great scenery, shaggable women, great weather down south but.... and it's a big but, The Inspector takes a dim view of any country whose staple diet is basically slugs (with shells), frogs, brains, bollocks and ehrm........ well you get my drift. The police look like some of those on the streets in China, with their big clubs and not a lot going on upstairs! Not so unlike some of the seedy strip joints in Amsterdam I researched, but I digress.....

After the experience of the Banana Club in Amsterdam I'm right off fresh fruit and dodgy foreign cigarettes and the Inspector is now on a strict diet of purified yaks milk (organic), the healing properties of this medicine are legendary, and it has been prescribed for me by my English GP. I couldn't take the risk of seeing a doctor in France as I had been tipped off that no sooner have they shaken your hand then they stick something up your behind. Why is it that everything medical in France has to be taken up the "exit" end, rather than nature's natural "entrance" orifice, the mouth, and stuck up your derriere as suppositories? I always knew the French talked through their arses but they seem to use them for a lot of other purposes than which they were intended by the good Lord. Perhaps Paul Lowe of Windsor TEFL courses can enlighten the Inspector, as he can expect a rather large cucumber in the post on Monday, and will undoubtedly be eager to follow the instructions as to what to do with it! I digress again.

I'll be spending some time in this strange land and will kick off with some of the biggest bunch of shysters ever to walk this planet - Wall Street Institute.


Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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