Wall Street Institute, Paris

Attention all shipping. This is a gale force warning from the BBC. Well maybe not, but it's the TEFL equivalent nevertheless.

One of The Inspector's all time favourite employers, Wall Street Institute, is out on the prowl tracking down idiots (whoops - teachers) to con (nope - teach), any old sucker (come on Inspector - blue chip corporates) to buy their outdated (correction - cutting edge) system of sticking any old mug in a general free for all conversation class (rap over knuckles - groups of discerning students all of whom are at the same linguistic level) and then sticking them for hours on end in front of a "teach yourself English" course on a PC.

The Inspector is very sorry (eehrm happy) to report that
Wall Street Institute
7 Place de la Defense
PARIS LA DEFENSE, PARIS
92974 - France

has been spotted advertising on TEFL.com

They need four, that's FOUR lucky teachers who will win the TEFL booby prize. Enjoy Paris in the Spring and work for an awful (apologies - wonderful) crap (sorry - caring), smarmy (apologies it should read professional) bunch of shysters, whoops the old keyboard skills are not what they were, (I mean super bunch of great people).

Don't expect an end of contract bonus but just let The Inspector know when you're about to leave and he'll send each of the four losers (phew what rudeness from the Inspector - WINNERS) a gift wrapped Mexican prickly cucumber with which to insert up (sorry yet another typo, I mean bid farewell) the manager of The Back Passage Institute (oops again - Wall Street Institute).

The Inspector is of the opinion that Wall Street Institute is simply a linguistic vending machine.

Anyone for English ? Coffee ? Tea ? Soup ? Coke ? Pepsi ? Tennis ? Hot Chocolate ? A Cucumber ?


Click HERE to watch the movie.



Check out The Wall Street Institute entry by clicking HERE.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Masochism Tango

I've had a couple of people asking about The Masochism Tango.
Just click here to hear it, in all its glory.

Dedicated naturally to Tzuriel Refael.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Inlingua Avelino, Italy

Check out a new posting about this organisation. I've heard absolutely nothing good about them and in fact quite a few comments echoing the same sentiments.
The owners are as mad as hatters and Inlingua Avelino should be avoided like the plague. So called "schools" like this are the very reason for the existence of The TEFL Blacklist and it beats me why Inlingua devalue their name by allowing them to be part of the Inlingua group.

On another note:

The young Italian

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied,"No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, And again he asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to out last him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Norwegian."

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Windsor TEFL Courses Update

This is the official notice on the Trinity College London website
Validation withdrawal from Windsor Schools
Trinity College London withdrew validation for its CertTESOL courses from Windsor Schools in Windsor and London as of 31 December 2006. The effects of this decison are as follows:

* no certificate TESOL course starting at Windsor Schools in Windsor and Londonon or after 1 January 2007 has been validated by Trinity College London
* trainees participating on those courses will not be moderated by Trinity or be eligible to receive a Trinity certificate
* trainees participating on those courses will not be able to be moderated by Trinity at another centre
* trainees who completed courses during 2006, or who completed courses that started during 2006 and finished in 2007, have been moderated and received certificate where appropriate
* Trinity certificates held by those trainees are valid as evidence of completion of training and work to the required standards on a validated Trinity CertTESOL course.
* trainees who have registered for certificate TESOL courses starting on or after 1 January 2007 should seek independent advice as to what action to take; Trinity regrets that if they undertake different CertTESOL courses of training at other Trinity validated course providers, they cannot be given credit for hours or assignments completed on the non-Trinity (non-validated) courses at Windsor Schools in Windsor and London.

Trinity College London does not anticipate reinstating validation at Windsor Schools Windsor and London.

This is the official notice on the Windsor TEFL Courses Website!
We offer the Trinity Certificate TEFL courses at our fully owned centres in London, Windsor, Barcelona and Madrid
We also offer the Cambridge CELTA TEFL courses in Bangkok, Budapest, Prague, Rome, Denver, Seville, and Barcelona (off-peak)
And TEFL courses in Florence, Buenos Aires in Argentina, Cusco in Peru, Manuel Antonio in Costa Rica, Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, Santiago in Chile, Playa del Carmen in Mexico, and our own Windsor Cert. in Oxford
10 good reasons why you should decide on Windsor TEFL courses

* WE RUN the Trinity College London TEFL (TESOL) Certificate at our own centres which has both international status and British Council recognition
* WE ALSO operate, in conjunction with fully validated partner schools, the Cambridge CELTA – this is the only other Cert. accepted worldwide without quibble.

blah blah blahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There is a disclaimer. Are are ready?
Site being updated. Please do not consider every element is current.

I fink Mister Lowe means evryfink mite be big fibbs.

Oh by the way, there were apparently six poor souls who "graduated" recently from Windsor TEFL courses with a Mickey Mouse certificate. If they send him their names and addresses, The Inspector will dispatch six studded cucumbers by return of post for use on the occasion of their next meeting with Paul Lowe.


Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL Worldwide Prague

A RECOMMENDED SCHOOL

Do read the amended entry for TEFL Worldwide Prague

Click HERE to view their promotional video. With this The Inspector feels he has totally repaid the unfair slagging off they received on The TEFL Blacklist.

Let this be a warning to any disgrunted person with a chip on their shoulder. If exposed you will result in having the opposite reaction to that intended, in that The Inspector will send out wave after wave of good PR to compensate the unfairly maligned school. I should add that TEFL Worldwide Prague has NEVER been in contact with your noble sleuth.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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An Ambassador is Recalled

Absolutely nothing to do with TEFL but I was so amused by this article on the BBC website I just had to post it here, as it's priceless. For all you politically correct lot out there The Inspector would like to state categorically that he is not having a dig at:

• Israel
• El Salvador
• Bondage (definitely not)
• Politicians
• Rubber Balls
• Cucumbers
  

I think that just about covers the lot so read on and let this be a lesson to you all.....................

Israel recalls 'naked ambassador'

Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear.

Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth.
A foreign ministry official described Ambassador Tzuriel Refael's behaviour as an unprecedented embarrassment.
The incident, which happened two weeks ago, has renewed calls for a radical overhaul of the way Israel appoints and promotes its diplomats.
San Salvador was Mr Refael's first post as ambassador. He was promoted in 2006 from a technical position in the ministry which had involved several foreign postings.
He was being recalled, although he had not broken any laws, foreign ministry spokeswoman Zehavit Ben-Hillel told reporters.
She confirmed that lurid reports of the incident in the Israeli press were accurate.
"We're talking about behaviour that is unbecoming of a diplomat," she said.
Israel has been rocked by a recent series of misconduct and corruption scandals, shaking public confidence in the political leadership.
Haaretz website reports that police found Mr Refael in the Israeli embassy compound where he had been found bound, gagged and naked apart from sado-masochistic sex accessories.

With a bit of luck this might be common practice over there. The Inspector can think of a few language school owners who might enjoy a trip to the sun although there is always the risk that if their wives call they might have to say that they can't come to the phone as they're tied up.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Inspector is Exposed

Rum times and all that. Those of you who guessed that The Inspector's motives were not, eehrm shall we say all that they seemed, will be snorting tonight over a pint or two of fermented yak's milk (yes that wonderful drink is catching on)!
The real truth is that ever since Lady Florence McHammered divorced me, I've been pursued relentlessly from place to place. Luckily my good colleagues at Scotland Lard are shielding me as best they can from bailiffs and the like but the old bat screwed me for every last bean in court and I'm damned if I'll just hand it all over to her, well it's not reasonable. After all's said and done, who laundered the bloody stuff? So an 80 day around the world TEFL trip seemed the ideal solution to escape from her greedy clutches.
I got out of Italy by the skin of my teeth. She arrived in Cognito only a couple of hours after I'd left and now it seems the old cow's on her way to Val Ferret! I'm going to have to make a break for it under cover of darkness.
I'll disguise my appearance and just disappear for a while, naturally after covering my (yak) tracks so to speak. I've hired a car but God help me if she gets anywhere near it as she's quite likely to do something to the brakes and after the demise of the yak, I now realise that it's a long way down (as the Bishop said to the Actress, but I digress). I'm nearly done with Switzerland, to be honest, and just to let you know, in the strictest confidence, the Swiss don't appreciate the old Inspector's humour. Unexpected breaking of wind, the odd burp, saucy jokes....no joy, not even a brief flicker of a smile from the locals, even my fruity exploits in The Banana Club in Amsterdam were about as popular as a fart in a crowded lift.
Switzerland is definitely not a bundle of laughs! Plenty of mountains, nice fondue, loads of gnomes, but not a joke in sight! Definitely Rum times! Now that I think of it, I'm just about ready for a swift tot of Jamaican best!
Before I go though I'll be entering the Dragon's Lair very soon.
Yes dear readers, Inlingua have their HQ in Bern, which apparently means Bear (as in hug). Whether I can bear it though is another matter. Hopefully I'll emerge in one piece from the notorious Inlingua Dungeon and (after debriefing) be able to report back to all ye TEFL troops at the various frontlines around the world and having prised open the doors to the Inlingua Fortress, God willing, will be able to fill you in on the Inlingua "way".
With a bit of luck Lady Florence won't be around. The old tart has a numbered Swiss bank account and might just try to kill two birds with one stone. Nail The Inspector and make a quick deposit. Anyway mum's the word. It'll be a hush hush operation behind enemy lines.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Hull's School Zurich Switzerland

It's been a bad day. The bloody yak had to be put down after it hurtled down one of the Black slopes in Val Ferret, totally out of control and shot over a particularly sheer drop, landing with a nasty splat on the valley floor. Just knew those cucumber skis wouldn't bear the weight! No problem I'll get another one to continue the eighty day TEFL journey around the world.
The Inspector feels a bit of a tease this morning and has therefore decided to tease a school out of the woodwork.
For those of his regular readers, Cicero Languages International of Tonbridge Wells, will be a familiar name. Some shenanigans had gone on donkeys years ago in Russia, of which nobody currently working at the school strangely remembered anything. The new owner, Christopher Hills, can count himself extremely lucky to have been removed from The TEFL Blacklist, as his initial response was aggressive to say the least.
Not one to be vindictive (as you well know), The Inspector took note of the consequent outpourings of devotion from the Cicero Languages International staff and decided that the evidence against the school was not strong enough to deserve a blacklisting, but nevertheless he was deeply suspicious of the pompous tone emanating from Christopher Hills.
So what is the connection with Hull's School Zurich Switzerland you are no doubt asking yourselves. Well to put it bluntly, can a Hull be a Hill?
Is Robin Hull of the same ilk as Christopher Hills? Is he simply someone who enjoys trophy collecting and inspecting other schools, with the ego trip that this provides, or is he just a nice misunderstood bloke? Maybe Christopher Hills is a member of Greenpeace and donates to Doctor Barnados but I personally have my doubts, unfair as they may seem to Mr. Hills & Co.
Well we'll find out by flushing Mr. Robin Hull out!
The Inspector came across Hull's School, the other day during a day trip to Zurich, and decided to post it here partly because Hull's School seems to be obsessed with badge collection, you know member of this and that, all designed to impress and partly because Hull's School is a member of International House! Read this:

How do you recognise a good language school?
Good language schools have one or more of the following quality seals:
• International House
• Bell ’s
• EAQUALS (European Association of Quality Language Services)
• ISO
• British Council (nur für Schulen in England)

What guarantees do these quality seals entail?

• Qualified teachers
• Goal-oriented and structured programmes of study
• Individual learner support
• State-of-the-art facilities (including a self-access centre)
• Efficient administration
• Veracity of any information provided in the school’s publicity
• Professional placement of new students

So what's missing?

Yup absolutely no mention whatsoever about the poor mugs at the coal face - the teachers. Who honestly gives a stuff whether a language school has Bell's approval, or for that matter Johnny Walker's or Teacher's. None of these badges seem to tell you anything about how they treat their teachers. Your beloved Inspector is fed up reading about these "quality seals" which are about as much use as performing seals, in telling you anything meaningful about a school. It's mostly propaganda designed to push up sales. And guess what? The punters fall for it like lemmings.

The final straw for The Inspector was this passage:
"Robin Hull, himself a long-standing member and a school inspector of both International House and EAQUALS has visited most of the schools personally."
Most? What about visiting ALL of them squire?

If you want to pay Hull's School a visit they can be found at:
Hull's School
Seehofstrasse 3
8008 Zürich

A bizarre element is their slogan "Zurich's Downtown International School". Considering how much they witter on about the Cambridge exams, it seems an unusual lapse into American English. Perhaps the eminent Robin Hull is American, or perhaps he's just trying to sound cool.

P.S For those of you wondering, The Inspector's photo in his profile was taken when he was a much younger Police Constable (plain clothes). He was known in the Force as a bit of a ladies man, which unfortunately led to the break up of his sixth marriage to Lady Florence McHammered. The Inspector would like to take this opportunity to vehemently deny the scurrilous allegations published in The Times concerning a scuba diving outfit, riding whip and a certain Miss B. Ondage (apparently known as Big Bertha).

Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Benedict Schools

The Inspector knows nothing about this chain. A warning has recently been made in the "FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE" section by a very disgruntled teacher and The Inspector would therefore welcome any information at all in order to find out if anything nasty lurks under the Benedict Schools stone.

Benidict Schools Naples are currently advertising on Tefl.com, which is an ominous sign at this time of year.

Click here to find out how the Italians tell the time

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Berlitz Rome and Berlitz Milan

I have to confess that I let out a loud snigger on reading the following job advertisement on the website of those charlatans Tefl.com.

"Berlitz International, Inc. is among the world leaders in the field of language learning services. We have 475 language schools in over 60 countries and live up to an excellent reputation thanks to our high quality standards.
We are currently looking for English Mother Tongue Teachers in Rome and Milan.
10 full time positions available immediately in Rome".

Take a look at the Berlitz Japan section to read all about their "high standards". So they need ten teachers do they? There must have been a mass walkout. The words bull and sh*t spring to The Inspector's mind.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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British Institutes Italy

ALERT
Just a quick warning that the British Institutes have been spotted on Tefl.com. Get that barge pole out when you read the word "expanding school". This is often a euphemism for "teacher has done a runner and we're now desperate".
So barge poles at the ready troops and be very wary of:
British Institutes Vicenza
British Institutes Trevizo
British Institutes Gorizia
British Institutes Oderzo
British Institutes Arona
British Institutes Venice
British Institutes Taranto

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The Cambridge Institute, Switzerland

When is an Institute not an Institute?
When it's in Switzerland!
The word Institute is protected in the UK and cannot be used in the name of a company. It is therefore somewhat ironic that language schools abroad abuse the use of the word Institute and try to come over as some kind of semi-official government organisation.
Although the word Institute can be defined as an educational establishment, it also has the connotation of being also somewhat official and respectable.
So why The Cambridge Institute? Apart from offering Cambridge exam courses, the connection ends there and you are left with the distinct impression of sharp practice, of using a name designed to deceive. These places have absolutely no connection with Cambridge University. There are a number of them dotted around the world in various countries and they are all private money making organisations.
So you or I or any Tom Wolfgang or Norbert can start up our very own Cambridge Institute and there is nothing anyone (especially Cambridge University) can do about it and if the punters think that we are linked to that noble Institution then so much the better and may the Swiss Francs roll in quicker than ever before.

These are The Cambridge Institutes in Switzerland (and what a cunning stunt to pull)

The Cambridge Institute, Zurich
Löwenstrasse 40
8001 Zürich
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Fribourg
Bd de Pérolles 18a
1700 Fribourg
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Bern
Seilerstr. 22
3011 Bern
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Basel
Weisse Gasse 6
Postfach
4001 Basel
Switzerland

The Cambridge Institute, Lucerne
Tribschenstrasse 9
Postfach 4843
6002 Luzern
Switzerland

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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International House Beirut

The job of a lifetime, although it might be a short one! Advertising NOW on TEFL.com!
Good old International House are recruiting for Beirut in that calm backwater of the world, The Lebanon. If that doesn't tickle your fancy you can always apply for the Bogota post in (cocaine country) Columbia.

Requirements:

• A Black Belt in Karate or Tae Kwon Do.
  
• Ability to run 100 metres in under 10 seconds
• Be built like The Incredible Hulk
  
• Ability to stay calm under fire
• Good knowledge of First Aid
  
• Explosives experience - essential
• TEFL knowledge required - zero

The successful applicant will be expected to spend an hour each day at the firing range and give two nights voluntary service to the local branch of The Samaritans.

One way or the other you can expect to be fired (on).

Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Teaching English Abroad by Susan Griffith

Astonishment on picking up a copy of this supposed definitive reference guide, to discover that lots of BLACKLISTED schools are recommended. Should the Inspector be surprised? No of course not! She is after all trying to make money by selling her book and clearly cleans up through selling advertising space. What's wrong in that?
A cursory glance confirmed my worst fears. The roll call of recommended rotten schools is far too long to list for the moment as The Inspector has just upgraded his yak to the Himalayan variety and now that the beast has a child's size ski strapped to each hoof (the cucumber ski experiment was a total failure after the ungrateful brute ate them*) we're ready for the slopes and raring to pursue better things than some TEFL tabloid hack by the name of Susan Griffith (for the moment at least).
Regarding good (or rather bad) old Susan. A charlatan I'm afraid. That's not to say it would be fair to discount every single word she's written about "Teaching English Abroad", simply that she has a different agenda, which involves (yes you've guessed it) making money, and the more the merrier.
Get your barge poles out, all you fellow blacklisters, complain to the publisher, and we'll wade together through the "informative unbiased guide" weeding out blatant examples of self-interest.
Such books do so much harm, as the innocent newly qualified teacher turns to them for impartial advice.
Well don't. Put it in the bin, use it to light the fire, use it if you've run out of loo paper but above all don't fall into the trap of thinking it's the Bible of Teaching English Abroad because it is most definitely not. Shame on you Susan, my Granny would love to give you a good spanking for being a very naughty girl (for all The Inspector knows you may be an old tart but I digress as usual), you've written a book which should be pulped, reprinted and re-entitled "Teaching English Abroad For The Financial Benefit of Susan Griffith".

Here are the ISBN numbers:

• ISBN-10: 1854583522
• ISBN-13: 978-1854583529

* The cucumber ski experiment was mentioned in the response to Sandy in the section "The Inspector is in Cloud Cuckoo Land". Just a quick word to reassure you anxious readers, that unsound as he might be when it comes to yaks on skis, The Inspector knows that your ordinary cucumber has many other valuable uses.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL.COM - THE USUAL SUSPECTS ADVERTISING

Yup the cash tills are still ringing at TEFL.com
A very quick check by The Inspector shows that these people are currently advertising (Friday 2 March) all of whom are BLACKLISTED:

This is just in Europe!

• Anglo-Hellenic Teacher Recruitment
• The British School of Potenza, Italy
• British Institutes Ravenna, Italy
• British Institutes Andra, Italy
• British Institutes Bari, Italy
• British Institutes Apulia, Italy
• British Institutes of Arona, Italy
• Inlingua Naples, Italy
• Saxoncourt Recruitment
• East London School of English
• The British School of Maglie
  

Now why on earth do they need teachers in the middle of the academic year. I can't possibly imagine. You don't think that some of their teachers quit do you, because they are crap schools? No no no, perish the thought. It must be The Inspector's suspicious mind at work.

There are over 34 jobs in China and loads in Korea, some just have to be total nightmares and traps for the unwary. International House Kuala Lumpa has also been spotted, Shane English Schools naturally is there, also the usual crowd of crap jobs in the UK well documented as usual by Sandy. The Inspector may need to apply to Scotland Lard for an assistant as the workload seems to be piling up and he's currently stuck halfway up a mountain with a yak.

Shame on TEFL.com who clearly couldn't give a toss about the quality of organisations who pay to advertise on their website.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector is in Cloud Cuckoo Land

After The Inspector had to push yet another plate of pasta down his throat he protested by pushing off over the Alps to Switzerland. Eighty days is a long time to be on a yak and with boils on his bum he was cursing everything in sight by the time he finally made it over The Saint Bernard Pass. After a much needed stop for the obligatory slug of brandy he pressed bravely on into the land of the Cuckoo Clock.

Italy, in The Inspector's considered opinion, is full of mad macho testosterone fuelled male maniacs (totally wasted on the beautiful women) and the whole population could do with a collective madness-immunisation course for their own self-protection, of say valium or some other suitably strong sedative.

So what TEFL rogues lurk in cuckoo country?


The Swiss are notoriously secretive so a ferret or two might be have to be let loose, so to speak, up the odd trouser leg of some unsuspecting Swiss language school owner.


Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret (yes it exists) Switzerland

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The Oscar Results 2007

No shortage of nominations but for which category?
In no particular order of importance the following questions raise their ugly heads.
1. Smith is clearly a shyster of the first order but to whom? The most useless worthless franchises seems to be the appropriate category.
2. What to do about Wall Street Institute? Not nice people - sure - but as bad as some of the breathtakingly bad Chinese schools? No they can't be that bad, because they have to obey French labour law or face the guillotine. In China complain and you'll find you'll be shot at dawn and your body parts flogged on the open market by midday ready for a lucrative transplant.
3. Worst DOS? No nominations. Why? I suspect that a bad school and a bad DOS often go hand in hand. This however doesn't seem to apply to slimy Shane where there is clearly the odd good DOS amongst the many megalomaniac inefficient crap ones.
4. Worst building? Clearly there are loads of candidates for that in China but building regulations elsewhere are designed to stop your classroom literally falling down around you.
5. What about the shafted students? There should be a nomination for the poor sods who have lost money on fly by night "schools".

Let's get back to basics with revised categories.
OVERALL OSCAR WINNER WORST SCHOOL 2007
ASTA Kids Club in Incheon, Korea. This dump epitomises all that is bad in TEFL. Not the biggest rubbish TEFL tip but clearly a horrid place in which to work.
WORST OWNER
A close call, but Shane has to win because of the sheer number of teachers ripped off either through Shane schools or through the totally crap Saxoncourt Recruitment.
WORST DOS
ASTA Kids Club in Incheon, Korea wins a second award. An endless supply of creepy crawleys for your nightmares.
WORST PAID
Considering that England is so expensive - "East London School of English" wins by a cucumber. Salaries elsewhere in the world are lower but try living in London on what they pay you!
WORST LOCATION
China. Can be good if you're lucky but may God have mercy on you if you get it wrong!
WORST FRANCHISE (for people daft enough to buy one)
Smith's School of English, Japan. Shame on International House London as well and worthy of a special mention.
WORST JOB BULLETIN BOARD
TEFL.com. No attempt at all to inform the unsuspecting teacher of crap outfits. At least Saint Dave Sperling has a forum (albeit heavily neutered).
WORST TEFL COURSE PROVIDER
A no brainer. The odious prat Paul Lowe of Windsor TEFL Courses should be erased from the TEFL map and if a certain Wally Windsor gets his way he will receive the global publicity he deserves.
WORST SHYSTERS FOR STUDENTS
Wall Street Institute for being bankruptcy bandits.

As you have probably gathered The Inspector is not in a good mood. Just thinking about some of these "schools" brings out boils on his bum and he can't sit down.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Bluniverse, Hefei China

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION

"Branches in Anhui province.

60 hour work weeks. Teaching hours and office hours are not counted equally. Yes, the contract says teaching hours are limited to 24 a week, but you got to be in the office for more time than that.

Yellow, the boss, is a control freak who manipulates everyone.

He changes the schedule on the whims of parents.

Class times are random at best, at often depend on the schedules of the bratty kid whose parents have the most money or influense.

Accommodation is crap.

Most days you got to teach mornings at some offsite god awful middle school, then get the afternoon off, then work evenings teaching clawing high-school students and middle school students.

Salary is based on teaching hours, not on a monthly basis. If no one wants classes in January, you don't get paid because you didn't teach. Meanwhile, you're still expected to be in the office for 40 hours a week.

IF kiddies want lessons everyday during their spring holiday. you work up to 200 hours that month, but will be told that your get a monthly salary of less than you expect.

stay away"

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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International House Kuala Lumpur

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION
International House Kuala Lumpur.

The whole place is an utter shambles with awful pay, pathetic holidays, 6 day weeks, a corrupt owner and what must be the biggest turnover in staff anywhere. Still, IH London don't mind...they get the affiliation money and can say they are in Malaysia!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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AAC in Helsinki Finland

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION
AAC in Helsinki are the biggest bunch of w**k***s on the earth. Low pay for teachers and lots of lovely interfering, the micromanaging c**ts. More later!

NB. As Granny is convinced that the innocent youth of today simply wouldn't understand some of the eloquence used above, I've had to humour her. So here you are Blacklisters - Granny's first word quiz!
Clue: the first word rhymes with thankers and the second with punts.
Answers on a postcard please to:
AAC Global
Tammasaarenkatu 5
00180 HELSINKI
Post address:
PO. BOX 206, 00201 HELSINKI
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Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
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TEFL Worldwide Prague

A RECOMMENDED SCHOOL
TEFL Worldwide Prague is a very good place to learn to teach English as a Foreign Language. Check out Alicia's (Alicat) blog which is a good read, being both very funny, refreshingly honest and obligatory reading for anyone wanting to teach in Prague. I hope the Management at TEFL Worldwide Prague give her one or all of the following:

• a nice envelope stuffed full of cash
• a new set of latex underwear
• an all expenses paid evening out at Dog's Bollocks (a bar - I checked it's real!)
• a nice hunky boyfriend (she may already be fixed up by the time you read this)

as a reward for alerting The Inspector to the original malicious unfounded posting.

He was to be seen taking notes whilst reading the September archive on her blog and was reminded of the song by Tom Lehrer "The Masochism Tango", given the recent spate of sado-masochism/bondage postings on The TEFL Blacklist (apparently known as BDSM in the trade)

"Alicat's" blog can be found by clicking HERE

The Masochism Tango (Tom Lehrer)

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips dear,
You can raise welts, like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye, set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches,
The last time I needed twenty stitches,
To sew up the gash, that you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Bash in my brain, and make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again, and say we'll never part.

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder,
Fracture my spine, and swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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The OSCARS (TEFL) 2007

Only four more days to go. Now's your last chance to cast your vote.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Homage to SandyM - doyen of The Cucumber Industry

Just a brief word to acknowledge the enormous efforts made by Sandy in exposing Shysters and also in his efforts to support the Cucumber Industry.
Well done Sandy. Keep it up!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

As you can imagine The Inspector gets quite a few postings of a somewhat ehrrm, uncharitable type. I would now like to set the record straight:

• I like buses but have no desire to throw myself under one.
• I have no desire to get to know "the boys" down a dim alleyway at night!
• My sexual preferences are none of your business and in any case I would need to do a fair bit of yoga to have a sexual relationship with myself so comments of that type are sheer wishful fantasy.
• "Go forth and multiply" was how it was put in the Bible. Please don't reduce it to two short words.

Why does this blog exist? For the following reasons:

1. Why should any professional have trained for at least three years Graduate study and then be expected to get some Mickey Mouse overpriced diploma to......
2. Teach for less than you pay a toilet cleaner, a dishwasher or any job in McDonald's. No offence to people working in those industries but you didn't have to spend a lot of time, energy and money to end up being exploited.
3. Megalomaniac, egocentric school owners and petty DOS' are often the norm, especially in China and Korea.
   
4. What sets TEFL/ESL apart, is that too many schools hide behind a fictitious facade of corporate professionalism, when in reality far too many bully, overwork and underpay their teachers and do not deliver what they promise, Shane Schools is a fine example.
5. EFL teachers have no union with any teeth.
6. EFL teachers are often cheated by schools running outrageously expensive TEFL Cert. courses.
   
7. TEFL career prospects are worse than a turkey's at Christmas

That dear readers is why this blog exists. To inform and enlighten the innocent TEFL lambs and warn them of the Big Bad Wolf.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

International House

What! International House I imagine you're thinking. This time The Inspector has gone too far. Calm down, relax. I'm not blacklisting International House London, whose courses (albeit expensive)I have no gripe with (for the moment). I'm blacklisting the International House franchise project which lets any old Tom Dick Harry or Carlos, Pierre or Norbert start up and use, or rather abuse, the International House name. Shame on you International House. If you want to expand, do it honourably and manage the overseas scam "International House" schools to the same standard you would expect in London.
How many teachers have signed up for one of your overseas courses with one of your franchise schools without knowing that they were not the real thing. And don't waste your time replying that the courses are underwritten, supervised by International House London. It all looks nice in print but IT ISN'T HONEST.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL Italy ESL Jobs in Italy

ITALY!

The Mad Hatter's Tea (T for TEFL) Party
A country of contrasts. From Potenza to Pasta and Milan to Mafia. It's dangerous to generalise, but the Italians can be the most charming people you have ever met and at the same time the most devious. Girls do take warning, the Inspector has heard of randy Italians so desperate for a quick fix that they have been know to lie down and look up your skirts! Amazing but true.

Even back in Roman times you could see sophistication and savagery together in the same society. The porn paintings in the brothels in Pompei take some beating.....














....now they just throw the TEFL teachers to the lions.

Expect to be a bit schizo when it comes to teaching English in Italy. You'll meet some wonderful people, but the whole country can be a bit like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party or should I say TEFL Party.

I'll be returning to this posting a lot over the next few days. Just to link everything together for starters here's a list of schools in Italy to avoid:

British Institutes Italy
The British Schools Italy
Anderson House, Bergamo
Inlingua Naples
Angloschool, Potenza

Update March 4 2007
AVOID
Living languages, Reggio di Calabria, Italy
Inlingua Avellino

Unless, that is, your a masochist!

Click here to see a model Italian lesson.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE