International House Beirut

The job of a lifetime, although it might be a short one! Advertising NOW on TEFL.com!
Good old International House are recruiting for Beirut in that calm backwater of the world, The Lebanon. If that doesn't tickle your fancy you can always apply for the Bogota post in (cocaine country) Columbia.

Requirements:

• A Black Belt in Karate or Tae Kwon Do.
  
• Ability to run 100 metres in under 10 seconds
• Be built like The Incredible Hulk
  
• Ability to stay calm under fire
• Good knowledge of First Aid
  
• Explosives experience - essential
• TEFL knowledge required - zero

The successful applicant will be expected to spend an hour each day at the firing range and give two nights voluntary service to the local branch of The Samaritans.

One way or the other you can expect to be fired (on).

Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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Teaching English Abroad by Susan Griffith

Astonishment on picking up a copy of this supposed definitive reference guide, to discover that lots of BLACKLISTED schools are recommended. Should the Inspector be surprised? No of course not! She is after all trying to make money by selling her book and clearly cleans up through selling advertising space. What's wrong in that?
A cursory glance confirmed my worst fears. The roll call of recommended rotten schools is far too long to list for the moment as The Inspector has just upgraded his yak to the Himalayan variety and now that the beast has a child's size ski strapped to each hoof (the cucumber ski experiment was a total failure after the ungrateful brute ate them*) we're ready for the slopes and raring to pursue better things than some TEFL tabloid hack by the name of Susan Griffith (for the moment at least).
Regarding good (or rather bad) old Susan. A charlatan I'm afraid. That's not to say it would be fair to discount every single word she's written about "Teaching English Abroad", simply that she has a different agenda, which involves (yes you've guessed it) making money, and the more the merrier.
Get your barge poles out, all you fellow blacklisters, complain to the publisher, and we'll wade together through the "informative unbiased guide" weeding out blatant examples of self-interest.
Such books do so much harm, as the innocent newly qualified teacher turns to them for impartial advice.
Well don't. Put it in the bin, use it to light the fire, use it if you've run out of loo paper but above all don't fall into the trap of thinking it's the Bible of Teaching English Abroad because it is most definitely not. Shame on you Susan, my Granny would love to give you a good spanking for being a very naughty girl (for all The Inspector knows you may be an old tart but I digress as usual), you've written a book which should be pulped, reprinted and re-entitled "Teaching English Abroad For The Financial Benefit of Susan Griffith".

Here are the ISBN numbers:

• ISBN-10: 1854583522
• ISBN-13: 978-1854583529

* The cucumber ski experiment was mentioned in the response to Sandy in the section "The Inspector is in Cloud Cuckoo Land". Just a quick word to reassure you anxious readers, that unsound as he might be when it comes to yaks on skis, The Inspector knows that your ordinary cucumber has many other valuable uses.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL.COM - THE USUAL SUSPECTS ADVERTISING

Yup the cash tills are still ringing at TEFL.com
A very quick check by The Inspector shows that these people are currently advertising (Friday 2 March) all of whom are BLACKLISTED:

This is just in Europe!

• Anglo-Hellenic Teacher Recruitment
• The British School of Potenza, Italy
• British Institutes Ravenna, Italy
• British Institutes Andra, Italy
• British Institutes Bari, Italy
• British Institutes Apulia, Italy
• British Institutes of Arona, Italy
• Inlingua Naples, Italy
• Saxoncourt Recruitment
• East London School of English
• The British School of Maglie
  

Now why on earth do they need teachers in the middle of the academic year. I can't possibly imagine. You don't think that some of their teachers quit do you, because they are crap schools? No no no, perish the thought. It must be The Inspector's suspicious mind at work.

There are over 34 jobs in China and loads in Korea, some just have to be total nightmares and traps for the unwary. International House Kuala Lumpa has also been spotted, Shane English Schools naturally is there, also the usual crowd of crap jobs in the UK well documented as usual by Sandy. The Inspector may need to apply to Scotland Lard for an assistant as the workload seems to be piling up and he's currently stuck halfway up a mountain with a yak.

Shame on TEFL.com who clearly couldn't give a toss about the quality of organisations who pay to advertise on their website.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector is in Cloud Cuckoo Land

After The Inspector had to push yet another plate of pasta down his throat he protested by pushing off over the Alps to Switzerland. Eighty days is a long time to be on a yak and with boils on his bum he was cursing everything in sight by the time he finally made it over The Saint Bernard Pass. After a much needed stop for the obligatory slug of brandy he pressed bravely on into the land of the Cuckoo Clock.

Italy, in The Inspector's considered opinion, is full of mad macho testosterone fuelled male maniacs (totally wasted on the beautiful women) and the whole population could do with a collective madness-immunisation course for their own self-protection, of say valium or some other suitably strong sedative.

So what TEFL rogues lurk in cuckoo country?


The Swiss are notoriously secretive so a ferret or two might be have to be let loose, so to speak, up the odd trouser leg of some unsuspecting Swiss language school owner.


Click here for the soundtrack.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret (yes it exists) Switzerland

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The Oscar Results 2007

No shortage of nominations but for which category?
In no particular order of importance the following questions raise their ugly heads.
1. Smith is clearly a shyster of the first order but to whom? The most useless worthless franchises seems to be the appropriate category.
2. What to do about Wall Street Institute? Not nice people - sure - but as bad as some of the breathtakingly bad Chinese schools? No they can't be that bad, because they have to obey French labour law or face the guillotine. In China complain and you'll find you'll be shot at dawn and your body parts flogged on the open market by midday ready for a lucrative transplant.
3. Worst DOS? No nominations. Why? I suspect that a bad school and a bad DOS often go hand in hand. This however doesn't seem to apply to slimy Shane where there is clearly the odd good DOS amongst the many megalomaniac inefficient crap ones.
4. Worst building? Clearly there are loads of candidates for that in China but building regulations elsewhere are designed to stop your classroom literally falling down around you.
5. What about the shafted students? There should be a nomination for the poor sods who have lost money on fly by night "schools".

Let's get back to basics with revised categories.
OVERALL OSCAR WINNER WORST SCHOOL 2007
ASTA Kids Club in Incheon, Korea. This dump epitomises all that is bad in TEFL. Not the biggest rubbish TEFL tip but clearly a horrid place in which to work.
WORST OWNER
A close call, but Shane has to win because of the sheer number of teachers ripped off either through Shane schools or through the totally crap Saxoncourt Recruitment.
WORST DOS
ASTA Kids Club in Incheon, Korea wins a second award. An endless supply of creepy crawleys for your nightmares.
WORST PAID
Considering that England is so expensive - "East London School of English" wins by a cucumber. Salaries elsewhere in the world are lower but try living in London on what they pay you!
WORST LOCATION
China. Can be good if you're lucky but may God have mercy on you if you get it wrong!
WORST FRANCHISE (for people daft enough to buy one)
Smith's School of English, Japan. Shame on International House London as well and worthy of a special mention.
WORST JOB BULLETIN BOARD
TEFL.com. No attempt at all to inform the unsuspecting teacher of crap outfits. At least Saint Dave Sperling has a forum (albeit heavily neutered).
WORST TEFL COURSE PROVIDER
A no brainer. The odious prat Paul Lowe of Windsor TEFL Courses should be erased from the TEFL map and if a certain Wally Windsor gets his way he will receive the global publicity he deserves.
WORST SHYSTERS FOR STUDENTS
Wall Street Institute for being bankruptcy bandits.

As you have probably gathered The Inspector is not in a good mood. Just thinking about some of these "schools" brings out boils on his bum and he can't sit down.



Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Bluniverse, Hefei China

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION

"Branches in Anhui province.

60 hour work weeks. Teaching hours and office hours are not counted equally. Yes, the contract says teaching hours are limited to 24 a week, but you got to be in the office for more time than that.

Yellow, the boss, is a control freak who manipulates everyone.

He changes the schedule on the whims of parents.

Class times are random at best, at often depend on the schedules of the bratty kid whose parents have the most money or influense.

Accommodation is crap.

Most days you got to teach mornings at some offsite god awful middle school, then get the afternoon off, then work evenings teaching clawing high-school students and middle school students.

Salary is based on teaching hours, not on a monthly basis. If no one wants classes in January, you don't get paid because you didn't teach. Meanwhile, you're still expected to be in the office for 40 hours a week.

IF kiddies want lessons everyday during their spring holiday. you work up to 200 hours that month, but will be told that your get a monthly salary of less than you expect.

stay away"

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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International House Kuala Lumpur

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION
International House Kuala Lumpur.

The whole place is an utter shambles with awful pay, pathetic holidays, 6 day weeks, a corrupt owner and what must be the biggest turnover in staff anywhere. Still, IH London don't mind...they get the affiliation money and can say they are in Malaysia!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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AAC in Helsinki Finland

QUOTE FROM THE BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS SECTION
AAC in Helsinki are the biggest bunch of w**k***s on the earth. Low pay for teachers and lots of lovely interfering, the micromanaging c**ts. More later!

NB. As Granny is convinced that the innocent youth of today simply wouldn't understand some of the eloquence used above, I've had to humour her. So here you are Blacklisters - Granny's first word quiz!
Clue: the first word rhymes with thankers and the second with punts.
Answers on a postcard please to:
AAC Global
Tammasaarenkatu 5
00180 HELSINKI
Post address:
PO. BOX 206, 00201 HELSINKI
Tel. +358 (0)9 4766 7800
fax +358 (0)9 4766 7810

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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TEFL Worldwide Prague

A RECOMMENDED SCHOOL
TEFL Worldwide Prague is a very good place to learn to teach English as a Foreign Language. Check out Alicia's (Alicat) blog which is a good read, being both very funny, refreshingly honest and obligatory reading for anyone wanting to teach in Prague. I hope the Management at TEFL Worldwide Prague give her one or all of the following:

• a nice envelope stuffed full of cash
• a new set of latex underwear
• an all expenses paid evening out at Dog's Bollocks (a bar - I checked it's real!)
• a nice hunky boyfriend (she may already be fixed up by the time you read this)

as a reward for alerting The Inspector to the original malicious unfounded posting.

He was to be seen taking notes whilst reading the September archive on her blog and was reminded of the song by Tom Lehrer "The Masochism Tango", given the recent spate of sado-masochism/bondage postings on The TEFL Blacklist (apparently known as BDSM in the trade)

"Alicat's" blog can be found by clicking HERE

The Masochism Tango (Tom Lehrer)

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips dear,
You can raise welts, like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye, set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches,
The last time I needed twenty stitches,
To sew up the gash, that you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Bash in my brain, and make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again, and say we'll never part.

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder,
Fracture my spine, and swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

1. The Index
   
2. Most Recent
   
3. Nominate a School for Blacklisting

The OSCARS (TEFL) 2007

Only four more days to go. Now's your last chance to cast your vote.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Homage to SandyM - doyen of The Cucumber Industry

Just a brief word to acknowledge the enormous efforts made by Sandy in exposing Shysters and also in his efforts to support the Cucumber Industry.
Well done Sandy. Keep it up!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

As you can imagine The Inspector gets quite a few postings of a somewhat ehrrm, uncharitable type. I would now like to set the record straight:

• I like buses but have no desire to throw myself under one.
• I have no desire to get to know "the boys" down a dim alleyway at night!
• My sexual preferences are none of your business and in any case I would need to do a fair bit of yoga to have a sexual relationship with myself so comments of that type are sheer wishful fantasy.
• "Go forth and multiply" was how it was put in the Bible. Please don't reduce it to two short words.

Why does this blog exist? For the following reasons:

1. Why should any professional have trained for at least three years Graduate study and then be expected to get some Mickey Mouse overpriced diploma to......
2. Teach for less than you pay a toilet cleaner, a dishwasher or any job in McDonald's. No offence to people working in those industries but you didn't have to spend a lot of time, energy and money to end up being exploited.
3. Megalomaniac, egocentric school owners and petty DOS' are often the norm, especially in China and Korea.
   
4. What sets TEFL/ESL apart, is that too many schools hide behind a fictitious facade of corporate professionalism, when in reality far too many bully, overwork and underpay their teachers and do not deliver what they promise, Shane Schools is a fine example.
5. EFL teachers have no union with any teeth.
6. EFL teachers are often cheated by schools running outrageously expensive TEFL Cert. courses.
   
7. TEFL career prospects are worse than a turkey's at Christmas

That dear readers is why this blog exists. To inform and enlighten the innocent TEFL lambs and warn them of the Big Bad Wolf.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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International House

What! International House I imagine you're thinking. This time The Inspector has gone too far. Calm down, relax. I'm not blacklisting International House London, whose courses (albeit expensive)I have no gripe with (for the moment). I'm blacklisting the International House franchise project which lets any old Tom Dick Harry or Carlos, Pierre or Norbert start up and use, or rather abuse, the International House name. Shame on you International House. If you want to expand, do it honourably and manage the overseas scam "International House" schools to the same standard you would expect in London.
How many teachers have signed up for one of your overseas courses with one of your franchise schools without knowing that they were not the real thing. And don't waste your time replying that the courses are underwritten, supervised by International House London. It all looks nice in print but IT ISN'T HONEST.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

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TEFL Italy ESL Jobs in Italy

ITALY!

The Mad Hatter's Tea (T for TEFL) Party
A country of contrasts. From Potenza to Pasta and Milan to Mafia. It's dangerous to generalise, but the Italians can be the most charming people you have ever met and at the same time the most devious. Girls do take warning, the Inspector has heard of randy Italians so desperate for a quick fix that they have been know to lie down and look up your skirts! Amazing but true.

Even back in Roman times you could see sophistication and savagery together in the same society. The porn paintings in the brothels in Pompei take some beating.....














....now they just throw the TEFL teachers to the lions.

Expect to be a bit schizo when it comes to teaching English in Italy. You'll meet some wonderful people, but the whole country can be a bit like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party or should I say TEFL Party.

I'll be returning to this posting a lot over the next few days. Just to link everything together for starters here's a list of schools in Italy to avoid:

British Institutes Italy
The British Schools Italy
Anderson House, Bergamo
Inlingua Naples
Angloschool, Potenza

Update March 4 2007
AVOID
Living languages, Reggio di Calabria, Italy
Inlingua Avellino

Unless, that is, your a masochist!

Click here to see a model Italian lesson.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Executive Language Services ELS Paris

The owner of this outfit is a Dorothy Polley, otherwise known in the Trade as "Mad Dorothy". The Inspector rests his case Millud.
Her madhouse can be found at the following address:
Executive Language Services
20, rue Sainte-Croix de la Bretonnerie
75004 PARIS

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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Inlingua Paris

Very much an organisation to avoid. One little scam they operate is to force you to learn their useless method, which in The Inspector's opinion has less value than parrot droppings.
If you decide you want to leave during your contract they make you pay for your so called training and deduct a hefty sum from your salary.
Sharp practice from a Great White, or rather, Black Shark.

Smooth talking businessmen in flash suits, snotty receptionists and admin staff. All that glitters here is definitely not gold. Don't go near them or you'll lose an arm and a leg!

Want to see Paris? See it on vacation not with this bunch of shysters. They are always advertising. It doesn't take a degree in rocket science to work out why.

The Inspector will return to the theme of franchising often. It's a racket, even operated by the Mother Theresa of language schools, International House. Another rogue outfit, hiding behind slick marketing, is of course Wall Street Institute whose franchisees have gone bankrupt again and again only to reappear like phoenix from the ashes with a new company fronting the name who naturally disown the debt of the previous lame duck. The franchisee pays megabucks for the right to use the name, other than that they pay lip service to the owner of the franchise.

Inlingua Paris can be found at the following addresses:

Inlingua Paris la Défense
CNIT Center
2, Place de la Défense
F-92053 Paris la Défense

Inlingua Paris La Plaine Saint Denis
ZAC des Cornillons
11, rue des Gazométres
F-93210 Saint Denis La Plaine

Inlingua Paris Levallois Perret
22-24, rue du Président Wilson
F-92300 Levallois Perret

Inlingua Paris Rive Gauche
109, rue de l'Université
F-75007 Paris

Inlingua Paris Roissy
Batiment Le Gaugin - Paris Nord 2
47 Allée des Impressionnistes, BP 50408 Villepinte
F-95944 Roissy Charles de Gaulle cedex

Inlingua Paris Versailles
3, rue du Maréchal de Lattre de Tassigny
F-78150 Le Chesnay


Here's a list of all the other Inlinguas in France. Remember they are all owned by different people but are all probably tarred with the same brush. Ask questions before signing anything. If you don't get clear unambiguous answers get that barge pole out.

Here are the other Inlingua centres in France. Message to all Inlingua owners - I personally think that your organisation sucks. If any of you charming bunch of businessmen, who pretend that you are experts in language teaching, think that you have been unfairly tarred and targeted, The Inspector would like to hear from you. However please don't bother sending me the usual threats to break my legs or sue me. How sad that The Inspector sees through your slick marketing and thinks that your organisation is rotten to the core, but life's a bitch.

Inlingua Aix-en-Provence
Hemiris Bât A
115, rue Claude Nicolas Ledoux
F-13854 Aix-en-Provence/CX03

Inlingua Amiens
Rue des Jacobins
F-80000 Amiens

Inlingua Arcachon
Villa Tosca
11 boulevard du Général Leclerc
F-33120 Arcachon

Inlingua Belfort
ZAC de la Justice
rue Gustave Lang
F-90000 Belfort

Inlingua Besançon
MBR Services, Le Master's 21
Espace Valentin
F-25048 Besançon Cédex

Inlingua Bordeaux-Mérignac
Parc d'activité Kennedy
5 rue Henri Becquerel, Batiment F RC
F-33700 Bordeaux-Mérignac

Inlingua Boulogne sur Mer
1, blvd. de la Liane
F-62200 Boulogne sur Mer

Inlingua Caen
Parc d'Activités de la
10, rue Colonel Rémy, Bt.M18
F-14000 Caen

Inlingua Chalon Sur Saône
75 Grande Rue St Côme
F-71100 Chalon Sur Saône

Inlingua Clermont Ferrand
18, allée Evariste Galois
F-63170 Aubière

Inlingua Colmar
MBR Services Colmar
4, rue de la Houblonnière
F-68000 Colmar

Inlingua Compiègne
Les Tertiales Bât. A
ZAC de Mercières 1
F-60200 Compiègne
Tel: +33 3 44 97 05 05
Fax: +33 3 44 97 05 06

Inlingua Dijon
8, allée A. Bourland / BP 176
F-21005 Dijon Cedex

Inlingua Dunkerque
16, rue Georges Clémenceau
F-59760 Grande Synthe

Inlingua Epinal
7 bis, avenue de la Loge Blanche
F-88000 Epinal

Inlingua Evreux
13, rue de la Mairie
F-27000 Evreux

Inlingua Inlingua Haguenau
44, blvd. de Lattre de Tassigny
F-67500 Haguenau

Inlingua Hazebrouck
41, avenue du Maréchal Delattre de Tassigny
F-59190 Hazebrouck

Inlingua La Rochelle
Z.A les Minimes
6 Rue d'Artimon
F-17000 La Rochelle


Inlingua Le Havre
16, rue Pierre Brossolette
F-76600 Le Havre

Inlingua Lens
Ecoparc du Bord des Eaux
Boulevard F. de Magellan
F-62100 Hénin-Beaumont

Inlingua Lille
12 rue de Cannes, 3e étage
F-59000 Lille

Inlingua Lyon
74, rue de Bonnel
F-69003 Lyon

Inlingua Lyon Chassieu
20, avenue des Frères Montgolfier
F-69680 Chassieu

Inlingua Marcq-En-Baroeul
Château Rouge, BP 5051
278, Avenue de la Marne
F-59705 Marcq-En-Baroeul

Inlingua Marseille
33 Boulevard de la Liberté
F-13001 Marseille

Inlingua Metz
Espace Serpenoise
19, en Nouvellerue
F-57000 Metz

Inlingua Mulhouse
MBR Services Mulhouse
65, rue Jean Monnet
F-68200 Mulhouse

Inlingua Nancy
10, rue Mazagran
F-54000 Nancy

Inlingua Nantes
CAP OUEST Sat du Perray
2 bis rue Robert Le Ricolais
F-44300 Nantes cedex 04

Inlingua Orléans
2, rue de Patay
F-45000 Orléans

Inlingua Pau
86 Boulevard de la Paix
F-64000 Pau

Inlingua Rouen
8, rue Jean Rostand, BP 156
F-76144 Le Petit Quevilly CX

Inlingua Saint Jean-de-Luz
Espace Olano P.A. Jalday
F-64500 Saint Jean-de-Luz

Inlingua Saverne
Parc d'Activité La Licorne
10 rue d'Otterswiller
F-67700 Saverne

Inlingua Strasbourg
8, rue Hannong
F-67380 Lingolsheim

Inlingua Toulouse
Technoparc Basso Cambo
13, rue Paulin Talabot
F-31100 Toulouse

Inlingua Tours
Centre d'Affaires Axe
8, rue Honoré de Balzac
F-37000 Tours

Inlingua Valenciennes
Parc d'Activités de l'Aérodrome Ouest
rue Louis Duvant
F-59328 Valenciennes cedex

Click here for the soundtrack (the theme tune to the movie Jaws!)

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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TEFL France, ESL Jobs in France

"I don't want to join a club that will accept me as a member"
Groucho Marx.
If any of these blacklisted schools offer you a job, get that bargepole out "tout de suite"!
TEFL in France seems to have slumped in the last five years. As a consequence there are fewer jobs around and the ones that you'll see advertised on places like TEL.com will probably have low staff morale, high staff turnover and not be nice places to work.

In and around Paris avoid:

• Inlingua Paris
• Wall Street Institute Paris
  
• I.A.L (Institute Of Applied Languages) Paris
  
• Transfer Paris
  
• Formalangues Paris
  
• Le Comptoir des Langues Paris
  
• Ecole Berlitz Paris
• Executive Language Services Paris
• Fontainebleau Langues et Communications
  

Elsewhere in France avoid:

• International House - Nice

Click here for the movie.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector reaches Italy's private parts

The Inspector or l'inspecteur as he is known in France decided yesterday to drive through the Mont Noir tunnel to Italy thus continuing his intrepid journey around the world in eighty days.

He found a wonderful lakeside hotel in the famous Italian alpine resort of Cognito. Pressed for time he will simply post the names of the schools in France awarded a black star for the moment and give you the juicy details later.

Things are hotting up for the OSCARS 2007 on 25 February. Front runner clearly is Smith's School of English in Japan, a good cucumber's length ahead of Paul Lowe.

Do check out Sandy's blog as he seems to have got the sh*t between the teeth, as the saying goes - regarding Windsor TEFL!

Inspector McHammered of the Lard, in Cognito, Italy

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Wall Street Institute, France

A few comments from happy employees of Wall Street, safely archived from the web for openers:

“You should clear about 11 euros an hour. That might hold you over till you find a real teaching job.”

“So they only pay 11 euros an hour, but you get to have "encounters" with the students? Shocked on company time or your own? Wink”

”Wall Street in my experience are just slick businessmen in suits and beneath all the clever marketing are basically cowboys. They regularly go bust around Europe (many recently in Spain and a few in France - Lyon, Paris, Rouen). Avoid them like the plague. ”

”Although I've never worked in one myself, I've yet to meet a former WS employee with a good word to say about them. I love their marketing on the metro: "98% pass rate" i.e. our own internal test. ”

”Calling Wall Street an 'Institute' is like calling McDonalds a 'RESTAURANT.'

”I see from their ads on the metro that you can take their diagnostic test absolutely FREE and without committing to a course. Now that's what I call a special offer!!! ”

”Does this mean WSI are now borrowing marketing techniques from the Scientologists and the Hare Krishnas? ”

”No, they are way better then Scientologists or 'would you like a free book' Krishnas. They don't call student's limited time with a teacher a lesson - it's an 'encounter.' Really. ”

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
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The Inspector finally departs!

I had been informed that the Dutch ski slopes were high up and that Interpol was in Holland. As I have previously reported, I was wrong on both counts. High? Well I was certainly high as a kite on what I had innocently believed was a Marlboro light and had a very nasty moment at Heathrow as I looked a bit of a wreck and not my usual dapper self . Luckily I pulled rank with my connections at Scotland Lard, exited the airport, a bit sharpish shall we say, and decided to return the next day to fly to Lyon, where I was assured Interpol were based, and do a bit of proper skiing and begin my "Round the TEFL World in Eighty Days" journey in France.

The only problem with France, in the Inpector's view is the French. Great scenery, shaggable women, great weather down south but.... and it's a big but, The Inspector takes a dim view of any country whose staple diet is basically slugs (with shells), frogs, brains, bollocks and ehrm........ well you get my drift. The police look like some of those on the streets in China, with their big clubs and not a lot going on upstairs! Not so unlike some of the seedy strip joints in Amsterdam I researched, but I digress.....

After the experience of the Banana Club in Amsterdam I'm right off fresh fruit and dodgy foreign cigarettes and the Inspector is now on a strict diet of purified yaks milk (organic), the healing properties of this medicine are legendary, and it has been prescribed for me by my English GP. I couldn't take the risk of seeing a doctor in France as I had been tipped off that no sooner have they shaken your hand then they stick something up your behind. Why is it that everything medical in France has to be taken up the "exit" end, rather than nature's natural "entrance" orifice, the mouth, and stuck up your derriere as suppositories? I always knew the French talked through their arses but they seem to use them for a lot of other purposes than which they were intended by the good Lord. Perhaps Paul Lowe of Windsor TEFL courses can enlighten the Inspector, as he can expect a rather large cucumber in the post on Monday, and will undoubtedly be eager to follow the instructions as to what to do with it! I digress again.

I'll be spending some time in this strange land and will kick off with some of the biggest bunch of shysters ever to walk this planet - Wall Street Institute.


Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Around The World in Eighty Days!

The TEFL world that is.
The Inspector has decided to take a skiing holiday in Holland for a week and such will not be his usual vigilant self (for most of time away from the internet) and the Blacklist will therefore be quiet and all language school owners can sleep soundly in their beds. Following that will follow a country by country 80 day world tour, by yak, exposing TEFL malpractice.

Click HERE to watch the movie.

TULIPS FROM AMSTERDAM

Inspector McHammered

When it's term again, I'll learn again
TEFL from Amsterdam
With a heart thats black, I'll give a smack
TEFL from Amsterdam
I can't wait until the day you fill
These eager arms of mine
TEFL treadmill keeps on turning
That's why this blog keeps on burning
For the day I know we can't resist, to blacklist from Amsterdam

When it's Spring again, I'll bring again
TEFL from Amsterdam
With a heart thats blue, I'll take the piss out of you
TEFL from Amsterdam
I can't wait until the day you fill
These eager arms of mine
TEFL treadmill keeps on turning
That's cause your job has no earning
For the day I know we can't resist, to blacklist from Amsterdam

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Windsor TEFL Courses

Paul Lowe, the owner of Windsor TEFL Courses seems to have incurred the wrath of a number of people who have nominated Windsor for a TEFL Blacklisting. Your devoted Inspector, as always, has responded to your reasonable requests and named and shamed the organisation.

Let's all find out the depths to which Paul "Lowe" can sink. As demonstrated with Cicero, a reasonable defence, will result in the plug being pulled but, oh dear you do seem to have made a lot of enemies Mr. Lowe. The Inspector and his readers look forward to hearing from you before the thread becomes unstoppable. The comments originally posted on the "Nominations" page have been removed and reposted here.

P.S. I'm afraid dear old Grandad couldn't restrain himself and clicked on Sandy's link before I could stop him! Would you believe it he keeled right over in shock, fell heavily backwards and did himself a mischief on the poker which was pointing sharp end up by the fireplace. The Paramedics had to be called. They tried everything to bring him round and even tried mouth to mouth until we had a nasty incident involving his false teeth and the cat.
Finally we tried the TEFL equivalent of Epsom Salts. We flashed him a photo of Paul Lowe and he immediately sat bolt upright and he settled down with a 15 year old single malt fermented yaks milk in one hand, a packet of cheese and onion crisps in the other and a very grumpy look on his face which had gone a worrying shade of purple.
The official diagnosis is severe TEFL trauma and although he's starting to recover from the deep shock he received, I have to say that he has disturbingly just started oiling his samurai sword (which was his retirement present from Honda UK). Granny is very upset as her pussy has bolted out of the house with its hair standing on end and the old boy has had the cheek to ask the wife to book a cheap day return to Windsor for Monday.
He claims he wants to visit Windsor Castle but I have my doubts.
I'd better keep the address of Windsor TEFL from him just in case.



_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard

1. The Index
   
2. Most Recent
   
3. Nominate a School for Blacklisting

Cicero R.I.P

The plug has been pulled on Cicero. Those of the Inspector's regular readers will know the story so buried in the deepest and darkest reaches of the TEFL Blacklist is a corner for you to pay your respects to Cicero.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Ian Holden, Saxoncourt Recruitment (Director)

A posting on the Saxoncourt Recruitment entry* confirms what the Inspector's suspicious mind had already suspected. The unthinkable had happened. I'd nailed a sprat instead of a Prat. Apologies to Paul Mitchell as he is only a bit fishy and welcome to Ian Holden who I now know for certain is the real culprit and a genuine 100% man-eating (why not woman-eating? perhaps the ladies aren't interested) TEFL shark. Enough confirmations have been received through diplomatic channels and, shall we just say, eerhm not so diplomatic channels, for positive ID to be made. Paul Mitchell's smarmy grin will be replaced by Paul Douglas' and the big Prat of them all Ian Holden is now named and shamed and where he belongs - on the good or rather bad old TEFL Blacklist. Thanks to the many undercover detectives burrowing busily and discreetly away in the underwold that is misleadlingly known as TEFL.
Does anyone have a picture of Shrek (sorry Shane) that can be uploaded somewhere discreetly as I'm sure he'd like a mention. Oh and one of Paul Douglas is now urgently required.

* The anonymous posting may actually be from Paul Mitchell himself, but who cares "truth will out".

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

The TEFL Market has Bottomed Out

Disgusting! I'm sure that is what you are thinking. What on Earth is Inpector Mchammered of the Lard thinking of and to what depths has he now descended to publish such a photo?? Calm down dear readers. This is the first authentic sighting of SandyM, that well known TEFL benefactor, perhaps taken from a strange angle, but nevertheless, he was caught on camera whilst caning a DOS.

I apologise for the offence this image might cause to "shocked of Worthing" but as this is such a rare sighting I feel it my duty to expose the blighter for the shameless bounder that he is.

A complaint has beeen received that a more dashing pair of buttocks has been censored. My granny objected so I leave you, the readers and undoubted connoisseurs of what actually elevates your ordinary buttock to star buttock status, to be the judges by clicking on the section "A Poem to a Colleague" here. No raspberries please, though I would advise the model in question to get his lawnmower out of the shed a little earlier this spring as it could be put to other uses.


Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

The Hunt is On!

"Yes, remember that name - Malvern House College? Well, I reckon that Inspector McHammered of the Lard should get on to this family of enterprising Tefl tsars right away, and let us know the full story. We need to know just what the Malhotra buggers are up to now! Are you listening out there, Inspector?!"

So writes that eminent scholar and renowned connoiseur of Yak's milk. The Inspector is unsure whether the reference is to Malvern House College referred to below or that old perennial chestnut Abbey College Malvern, a favourite amongst his readers. Not to bother, let's take a quick peek at Malvern House College first. The posting on Abbey College Malvern can be found here.

The Inspector has been studiously shortlisting the entries for the OSCAR's 2007 but is never one to shirk from his responsibilities. He is concerned that the Headmaster has jumped bail and hopes deeply that one day the Headmaster will expose himself again (not a pretty sight!) but is willing to lay down his quill, reach for his Yak and trek off into the mountains (or rather the Malverns) in search of a good well-renowned and old fashioned baddy.

The picture above is of lovable young Marcos of Malvern House College, clearly a native speaker and able to help you speak English with an authentic Spanish accent. Of undoubted use in Madrid taxis and all parts south of Dover (say Baghdad), where an English accent might result in your holiday being unexpectedly cut short.

The Inspector is seriously considering proposing a Euro-English TEFL course in partnership with HM Government for those security conscious expats who wish to speak euro-patois, in order to disguise their English roots and in accordance with true EU tradition mumble incoherent nonsense with a view to retiring on index linked inflated pensions.

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

The Oscars 2007

Obnoxious School. Classes Appalling. Real Shysters.

The 2007 TEFL Blacademy Awards Ceremony
presented by the ever popular
Inspector McHammered of the Lard.
Live February 25, 2007 from Shane's Bar in Shanghai.
AWARDS

• OVERALL OSCAR WINNER WORST SCHOOL 2007
  
• WORST OWNER
• WORST DOS
• WORST RESOURCED
• WORST BUILDING
• WORST STUDENTS
• WORST PAID
• WORST ACCOMMODATION
• WORST LOCATION

• Inspector McHammered of the Lard
  FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
  FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Blacklisted Chinese EFL Schools/ESL Schools

Your Inspector is McKnackered. This list of awful schools in China is far to long to list after only a single slug of fermented Yak's milk. The Inspector will return to this unexpected, laborious and lengthy task ASAP.
What on earth happened to Chop Suey? I used to think that was all there was to China.

THE SHAMED..........

Aojing International Ltd, China
Beijing Language and Culture University, China
San Jie Foreign Language School, China
XiSanQi Advanced Language School, FuLaiDe Advanced Language School, AoJing, FanZhiDu, China
Yakup International, China
Yanjing Overseas Chinese University, Oxbridge University Business School, China
Davis Language Training Company, China
Tianjin University of Commerce, China
Tianjin university of Finance and Commerce, China
Tianjin University of Science and Technology, China
E & A College, China
Hebei New Times International, China
Hengshui High School, China
Jingbei Foreign Language College, China
EF English First Taiyaun, China
John Gao's school, Number 2 foreign language school (AKA number 18 middle/high school), Modern English, People's Number Two Hospital, Shanxi university, China
Luliang Teachers College, China
O'Smart, China
Taiyuan Mercan School, China
Taiyuan Modern English School, China
Taiyuan Teachers' College, China
Tongliao Huanyu Private Exit and Entry Company Limited, aka Tongliao Huanyu Independent Consulting Services Ltd, China
Yingcai School, China
Yingcai School, China
Affiliated High School of Peking University, China
Aojing International Ltd, China
Beijing Language and Culture University, TMC China
XiSanQi Advanced Language School, FuLaiDe Advanced Language School, AoJing, FanZhiDu, China
Yakup International, China
Yanjing Overseas Chinese University, China
Yanjing Overseas Chinese University, Oxbridge University Business School, China
Columbia College, Columbia Kindergarten, China
English First Changchun (EF Changchun), China
Excel-World English Kindergarten, China
Jilin Province Star Education Consulting Co Ltd, China
Tianshuo, Tianyuan, Baidawei, Simon's language school, China
youngji middli school, China
Auqi Private English School, China
Columbia English College, China
Golden Bridge Language school, China
Harbin Joy Children's Language School, China
Harbin Normal University, China
Harbin Star Foreign Language College, China
Hengfeng Foreign Languages School, China
Highbird Internation School, China
Roy English Language Training Center, China
Boston Training Technologies, China
CHEERY ENGLISH, China
English First Shanghai (EF Shanghai), China
Enlighten / Enlightenment Consultants , China
Gold Apple Bilingual School, China
Kongjiang High School, China
Raffles Lasalle Shanghai, China
Shanghai Normal University, English First Shanghai (EF Shanghai), China
TEFL Jobs Consulting Ltd Company (TEFL.CC), China
Tonghu Consulting, Yuzhen Group Shanghai , China
Xuehui Science Kindergarten, China
Yucai Senior High School, China
English First Suzhou (EF Suzhou), China
Huai Yin Teacher College, China
ICON Language Center, China
Jiangsu Huaian Modern English, China
Nanjing Talent Academy,Talent Inc, China
Rayhua Bilingual School, China
Sino-Canada High School, China

Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE

Nominate a School for Blacklisting

Following a fine suggestion the Inspector is pleased to announce the opening of the nomination section. It'll be a bit like The Oscar's, however the congratulations will be replaced by a good kick up the backside for those stars of the TEFL industry unfortunate enough to be nominated.

Click here to listen to the soundtrack.

_______________________________________________________________

Inspector McHammered of the Lard in Val Ferret, Switzerland

1. The Index
   
2. Most Recent
   
3. Nominate a School for Blacklisting

Tefl.com

Recognise anyone here? They all gave testimonials (knowingly or unknowingly) to support Tefl.com. The reason Tefl.com has a provisional blacklisting is because of two of our friends: the first, Peter Leech (sorry Peter Beech) of Anglo-Hellenic who was described (in such poetic language by one disgrunted teacher in an earlier post as a cowboy); and the second, the infamous Kramar's School of English, Slovakia. I have therefore ordered an in depth investigation into the conduct of your co-advertisers as you appear to accept money from anyone and have little concern for the consequences. You've also posted a fair few ads for The British Institutes, who are also BLACKLISTED. Tefl.com looks very much like the UK version of St. Dave's ESL cafe.

And this testimonial is suspicious
All of our staff do appreciate what you are doing for us. Your free services really give us a lot of help. Beijing Friendship Hotel.
FREE?
We all know that normal advertisers pay and free is not normally in the tefl.com vocabulary. Are you short of cash and are trying to drum up custom in Asia by offering freebies and trying to take business away from St Dave Sperling? It looks like it to me. Readers rest assured that The Inspector will swiftly down in one, a double Yak's Milk with Tonic (shaken not stirred) and report back to you ASAP.

Judge Tefl.com by the company they keep .

I await your response Tefl.com at High Noon.

A list of employers who have provided testimonials and who adore TEFL.com...

Colchester English Study Centre, UK.

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Embassy CES

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Echo Hill, Spain

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St Bedes European Scheme, UK.

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Family Housing Association (Manchester) Ltd., UK.

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Lex English, Brazil.

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Kramar's School of English, Slovakia

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WSI Almeria, Spain.

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English Worldwide, London, England.

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University of Aeronautics and Astronautics, China.

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ELS Language Centers, New Jersey, USA

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The English School, Gandía, Spain.

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Westgate Corporation, Japan.

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Tara Language Services, Oman.

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English Fast, Turkey.

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Anglo-Hellenic Teacher Recruitment, Greece.

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ESADE Idiomas, Barcelona, Spain.

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Sunrise English School, Nagoya, Japan.

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Teach Korea.

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Maple English School, Japan.

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Long Hungary.

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ECC Thailand.

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Cook's English Centre, Bosnia Herzegovina.

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York Idiomas, Spain.

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Billington Recruitment Consultants.

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BKC-IH Moscow.

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Berlitz Korea.

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Global English, Mexico.

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Cido Kindergarten, Taiwan.

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Kunsan National University, South Korea.

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Dover Idiomas, Spain.

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English Speaking Play & Pre School, Oulu, Finland.

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Beijing Friendship Hotel.

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LCCT, Thailand.

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Four Arrows, Canada.

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Inspector McHammered of the Lard
FOR THE MOST RECENT POSTING CLICK HERE
FOR BLACKLIST NOMINATIONS CLICK HERE